This Courage In Your Eyes
by perfectsmuttyvampire
Summary: Isabella Swan loses both parents in a terrible accident. When she meets a soul more damaged than she is, they go into self-destruct. They need help - but will they let people give it, before two more lives are claimed...
1. Bella

**_A/N: I had this chapter all typed out and perfect. What did I then do? Well, I over-wrote it with Chapter 2. Highly annoying. Teach me to pay more attention. So, here is Chapter 1 re-typed._**

**_TITLE: This Courage In Your Eyes_**

**_SUMMARY: Isabella Swan loses her parents in a horrific car crash at the age of seventeen. Fostered by Carlisle and Esme Cullen, she withdraws entirely into herself. Carlisle and Esme's son finds it impossible to reach past the brick wall she has built herself, and she remains a shell of her former self. When she meets Jasper Whitlock, a soul even more damaged than herself, the pair embark on a dangerous spiral of self-destruction. If they don't get help soon, if they can't let anybody in, neither of them will survive._**

**_PAIRING: Bella/Jasper_**

**_WARNING: Graphic mental torture, scenes of extreme violence and mutilation, self-harm and a rape scene. Rated M for a reason, this will get nasty. Possible lemon, haven't decided yet._**

**_WHERE IT IS EDWARD'S POV AND ITALICS, IT'S EDWARD REFLECTING. IT'LL MAKE SENSE AT THE END, I PROMISE._**

DISCLAIMER: STEPHENIE MEYER OWNS THESE CHARACTERS. PLOT AND SITUATIONS ARE MINE.

THIRD PERSON POV

The family step out on Friday nights. They get into their little red Vauxhall car, and they go and see Bella's maternal grandmother. She doesn't know who they are, but Bella doesn't mind. She still loves her grandma. Some days, Grandma knows who she is, and Bella sits at her feet, and Grandma strokes her hair. On the days Grandma doesn't know them, they simply sit, and they tell her all about themselves. Bella doesn't cry as much now, but it still hurts her when she looks at Grandma.

It is Friday night, and they get into their car. Their neighbour waves to them from her front window. She does each day, a habitual greeting. They drive away, Bella in the back, chattering excitedly.

A few miles away, a black BMW X5 is going too fast down a residential street. The old man who walks his dog there every day shakes his head as the car goes past.

"There'll be an accident there, Lassie, you mark my words." The dog looks up, whimpers as though she understands and they continue on their walk. The driver joins the motorway, and he goes too fast. There is almost an accident at the junction, when the black car cuts up a driver, cutting across three lanes of traffic. Horns are hooted, swear words shouted at the driver who is long gone. More than one driver thanks Heaven he braked soon enough.

The red Vauxhall joins the motorway. The carriageway is clear, the father pulls out onto the road. For five seconds, everything is fine. The music plays, the family laugh and talk. And then everything goes black and silent. For Bella, firmly strapped into the back seat, the next six seconds are an eternity. For six seconds, the car rolls, skids along and judders to a halt. When it stops, and she dares to open her eyes, she is faced with the impossible. The entire front half of the car is gone. It has been ripped away, and is sitting two lanes across from her. She is facing traffic, and traffic is building. A man has abandoned his car and he is running towards her. He is shouting for her not to look. But she looks. Her parents are lying in the road. Her father: broken like a doll. Her mother is still in her seat - or part of her is. Her mother has no legs, and the seatbelt has partially severed her head. Bella screams, looks down at herself, sees blood, screams again. She faints, just as the man reaches her side. She hears him tell her he is a doctor, but the darkness is calling, and she faints happily. She wants to wake up and find it is all a horrible, horrendous nightmare. She knows she won't, but she hopes it just the same. Less than six feet away are her parents. Her parents are dead. Even as she faints, she knows that image of her parent's lifeless bodies will be engraved onto the inside of her eyes forever.

She is in a coma for three weeks. She misses her parents' funerals. She doesn't cry when they tell her this. She doesn't do anything. She doesn't speak, she doesn't cry, she doesn't even bat an eyelid when they tell her the driver of the other car survived. He was twice over the legal limit for drink and drugs. He will be tried. He will be pleading guilty, although Bella doesn't know, and she doesn't care. All she sees is her parents lying lifeless.

Her foster family are nice, she decides, but they aren't her family. She declines dinner, she stays in her room. She unpacks and then lays on her bed staring at the ceiling. She is scared, although she won't admit it. She hears the couples teenage son come in. She knows his name already, although he makes no impression on her because she hasn't seen him yet. Only Esme comes in to say goodnight, and Bella's half angry. This isn't her mother, why is she acting like it? She starts the downward spiral by withdrawing. She doesn't want to talk, or be sociable. She's upset. But she won't cry. She'll never cry.


	2. Edward

Edward POV

"Hey, Mum," I yell out, coming in from football practice. "Can you wash my kit, because I'm filthy and it's the game tomorrow?" There's no answer. I leave my football boots in the hall, take myself and my sports bag through to the kitchen. "Oh, Mandy, hi."

"Hi, Edward."

"Sweetheart, could you load up the machine for me, then come back in?" Mum asks, looking at me. "You've got a new foster sister. We need to talk."

By the time I get back, Mandy is gone, and Dad is back from work, in his suit, sitting at the table. Mum makes me sit down.

"Her name's Isabella. She's in from Hammersmith. Three weeks ago she lost her parents in a car crash." She looks at us both. "The car crash that was all over the news. The driver of the car who caused it was twice the legal limit for drink and drugs. Apparently she hasn't spoken since the accident. They think -" Mum takes a deep breath, and her voice is breaking as she goes on "they think she saw her parents before she lost consciousness. And she's very fragile. The injuries were - are - pretty bad. They had to cut her free and it took an twelve hour operation to get all the car parts out of her. She lost a kidney, and a piece of metal cut one ovary. She had three feet of metal sticking out of her leg and a six inch piece of glass embedded in her head. She's lucky to be alive. Her only relative is the maternal grandmother who is ninety, suffering from Alzheimer's and dementia. I don't need to tell you, Edward, that this is different to anything we've ever been asked to take on before. Don't tell your friends all the horrific details, but make it clear she is fragile."

"That poor child."

"When I think what she must have gone through."

"Edward, I think it would be best if you left her for tonight. I know you like to introduce yourself as soon as possible, but I think, tonight, we leave her. Is she eating?"

"She doesn't want dinner, but the care worker says she eats."

"OK." I slip up to my room, pass her door. It is closed. No sound issues from behind it, not the radio, not the TV. I think she may be asleep. And I go past.

I don't know exactly what I expect to see at breakfast the next morning. So I'm not precisely certain why I'm surprised. She has dark brown hair surrounding a pale face. I can see from here it isn't dye. It's in a messy bun right now. She has long legs and arms, but she seems small. There's an ugly gash on her forehead, stitched with black thread. I remember what Mum said about glass, and I can believe it. I smile at her. She doesn't smile back. Eyes the colour of chocolate watch me stumble around the kitchen, yawning. I switch the kettle on, realise it requires water and fill it, switch it back on.

"Can I get you anything? Tea, coffee?"

"Tea, please."

"Black or white?"

"Black, please. Half a sugar." A few gulps of scalding coffee later, and I'm able to blink sleep from my eyes and muster a proper smile.

"I'm Edward. Edward Cullen. Sorry, we didn't get to meet last night."

"Bella." Conversation has been shut down. Her voice is blunt, a stone in a stagnant lake. I give it another go.

"Mum's going to take you out to get school clothes today."

"I thought it was a college. Is there uniform?"

"No, but there is a dress code and some of the teachers are maniacs about it."

"What?"

"Oh, you have to be dressed smartly at all times."

"I have smart clothes, Edward. I brought all my clothes with me."

"I know, it's just if you need anything, Mum will take you today."

"Ah, Bella, you're up." Mum breaks what was looking set to be a very awkward silence. "Did Edward tell you to help yourself to everything? You've missed Carlisle, I'm afraid, he high-tailed it to work at seven - or were you already awake?"

"I was awake."

"Alright. Did you sleep OK? Hope the bed was comfy."

"Fine, thank you."

"Well, do you know what the college dress code is? Has Edward said anything this morning?" She peers over my shoulder. "He's had coffee, he must be making partial sense."

"He did."

"Well, I'm afraid when they say smart they really mean smart, dear. I'll look over your things, and if we need anything at all, we shall go into town and do some shopping."

"I've no money."

"Darling, for a start, I know that. Also, it doesn't matter in the slightest. The Government give me money to feed and clothe you and I'm more than happy to buy you school things. Edward, when is your game, sweetheart?"

"Kick off at three."

"So you'll be at the ground for two then?"

"Yep. Hey, Bella, do you want to come along and watch? It's a proper ground, and all that."

"Footballs not really my thing."

"Finally, somebody to take my side." Mum breaks in, between mouthfuls of coffee. "Edward, your kit is washed and dried. If you want it ironed, do it yourself, I'm not ironing something you'll be asking me to clean again today."

"But, Mum -"

"But, Mum, nothing, my boy. Bella, shall we?"

By the time I've met the guys at the ground ready for the match I'm following a one-track train of thoughts. Football.

"Cullen, get your skinny backside in this changing room, you're late!"

"Sorry, Coach. Had to get the bus."

"Edward, your Mum normally drives you," Emmett points out.

"No shit, Sherlock. She's out, with my new foster sister. She doesn't have an item that would pass muster at school."

"You mentioned there was a new sister on the way. What's she like?" Emmett's sister asks from beside me. I grin at her. She's a girl in a man's world, and she's better than half the team at football. She's also my amazing new girlfriend and I steal a kiss when both Emmett and Coach aren't looking.

"She's…err…it would be insensitive to say screwed up, but she is. Her name's Bella, she's our age, and she lost her parents in a car accident three weeks back. The crash that was on the news for days."

"Blimey," says Emmett, shaking his head. "Dad says it's a miracle anybody walked away from that."

"Well she's starting school Monday. Can you guys back her up? She's a bit of a mess - stitched forehead, half her leg sewn up, her shoulder, her stomach and she lost a kidney. And she is withdrawn."

"Course we'll be nice."

"Cullen! McCarty! McCarty! Are you quite finished your cosy chat? Can I, perhaps, get on with the pre-game talk?"

"Yes, Coach. Sorry, Coach."

Her and Mum are waiting outside the ground when the match finishes. I introduce her to Emmett and Alice, but apart from a single sullen hello, she freezes them out. Stares straight on through, like my friends and I aren't standing here.

"Hi, Bella." Alice says, scrutinizing her sharply. Bella nods at her, resumes staring. I can't help but turn and see who she's staring at. There's nothing and nobody over there for her to find interesting. Mum glances at her, takes in the chill, and hustles us both off. She eats dinner with us, but she doesn't talk. She excuses herself immediately after, and disappears. Mum looks at me.

"Don't, Edward. I know she froze you out earlier, but don't tackle her about it. Something like what she's been through takes months to heal. Years, even. She'll never fully get over it."

I don't realise exactly how accurate Mum is.


	3. Jasper

EPOV

So months pass. Bella is a shell. The girl she used to be - whoever that was, is gone. She is silent, she is distant and she made damn sure she is left entirely alone at school. She rejected every single friendly advance made on her, turned down offers to sit with me and my friends at lunch and break and kept herself so thoroughly to herself that three months on, she has no friends. Alice hasn't stopped trying, but Bella either completely ignores her or gives her blunt, monosyballic, one word answers. She won't talk to me.I creep into Bella's room whilst she's downstairs. There are framed photographs over every available surface. Her , her friends, her family. The little family of three, her mother, her father, Bella in front, smiling, her father hand on her shoulder, her mother arm around her father, her free arm tucked around her daughters waist. A father in his police uniform. He was a cop, then. Her mother and Bella, covered in flour, baking cakes. Bella with a boy, his arms securely around her shoulders, his lips pressed to her hair. She's had a boyfriend. I look at the photo of Bella in a swimsuit, a medal around her neck, her mother and father kissing her cheeks. She's laughing.

"I won that medal the month before the accident." A soft voice had said behind me. "They were so proud of me." She stares at me. "What do you want, Edward?"

"I was just…err…looking for a T-shirt. Mum thinks she might have put it on your pile by mistake."

"I'll look for it." It was clearly a dismissal, her telling me to piss the hell off without saying the actual words.

"Bella, why are you so rude to my friends?"

"I've got friends! I don't want replacements!" she hissed. It was, in hindsight, given what happened next, a damn good thing my parents were out.

"Bella, Jesus, I hate to say it, but you can't cling forever to your old life! You're grieving, I get that, but don't you think grieving with friends would be a better plan?"

"Edward, I want to be on my own! Don't you get that?"

"You can't be alone forever!"

"Watch me, Cullen," she sneered, glaring at me.

"So, what, you're just going to deliberately sit around and make yourself miserable? Yeah, you've lost your parents. You think they'd be happy if they knew you were doing this?"

"Fuck you."

"Don't you ever think it would be good to talk about it?"

"No, I don't! Now fuck off!"

"No way." I don't stop to think for a second about what I'm doing. I wish I had done. God. I wish I'd just done what she wanted and fucked off. "No. You could at least try and be nice to my friends. They only want to help."

"Edward, for the final time, FUCK OFF!" she screams. I blink, surprised. She looks perfectly manic. "Leave me the hell ALONE! This is what I want! Why can't you just let me be miserable?"

_I left the room. I left her. Trust me, I'm still regretting walking out on her that day. If I'd stayed, talked calmly, I'm almost sure the events of the next six months would never, ever have happened. There's no way to know if it definatly wouldn't have, but the guilt of what if will torture me forever._

BPOV

I get my way. He gives me exactly what I want. He leaves me alone, and so do his friends. So I get what I want.

And then he turns up. Jasper Whitlock. Tall, thin, scarily pale. Dark circles beneath his eyes, dark bruises on his neck. He's in the local care home. The gossip is going into overdrive. Nobody knows where he's from, or why he's here. He comes, sits opposite me at lunch, without bothering to ask. He stares at me. I glare at him. Nobody sits with me, not ever, and certainly not with his level of arrogance. His piercing grey eyes bore into me. They're clouded - with pain, and rage and something else.

"What the hell do you want?" I demand, his staring pissing me off. I'm so angry now. I permit myself a vicious mental smile. Good. All my anger at that driver, at that day, at Gran, at Dad for not looking properly. Angry with them for dying and leaving me.

"You're that girl they talk about. That girl whose parent's died in that accident."

"What's it to you, freak?"

"My father used to sexually abuse me." The undercurrent of fury in his voice is easy to recognize. It's in my voice every single day. "You don't even know what troubles are, kid."

"Really? I saw my mother with a partially severed head. Ever seen a dead body? I have - two. My parents." He looks me up and down. Grey eyes the colour of storm clouds stare at me. I stare right back.

"I'm Jasper."

"Bella."

And that was it. We became friends. Sharing the pain, the rage, the inadequacies we both felt as survivors as tragedies. All that pain we had: him, pain at what his father used to do to him every day, me, the pain at having my parents killed inches away from me. Rage. Our rage, both of us. His rage at his father. My rage at being left behind. The fact that we both felt so powerless to do anything about these emotions, about what hurt us so unbelievably badly. Somehow it made for a bond between us. We found an outlet in each other. A way to vent our rage.

_EPOV_

_He was her downfall, but at the same time he helped her a little. He helped her channel all the rage and the pain. I should have ripped him away from her, refused to let her ever leave my side. But I didn't. I let it all get so badly out of my control, because I was sulking like a child. _


	4. Ritual

**_A/N: OK, I am probably obliged by law to give this chapter some form of warning note. It is graphic, and there are scenes which some readers WILL find disturbing and/or extremely upsetting. You have to remember whilst reading this chapter, that both Bella and Jasper are in extremely dark places and they are both exceedingly disturbed mentally. If you don't want to read it, that's fine - but the rest of the story will take a vital turn after this one, and you might struggle understanding the whole relationship if you don't read this chapter. So, lets go. PLEASE R&R. This was the most challenging thing I have ever written, ever, and I am desperate for feedback on it._**

BPOV

The day Jasper arrived was the day I cut for the first time. I watched the blade draw across my arm, watched the blood well up and drain into the sink. It dripped, dripped like blood drips in the horror films. And I've cut ever since, a month into our relationship. It helps me, watching the blood drip. It's like I'm bleeding for my parents, bleeding because they died and I survived. I feel dizzy some mornings when I wake up, and the dizziness is good, because if I'm suffering, then I'm paying for survival, as I should. Jasper comes round some days, when Edward is at a game, when Esme is out doing her interior design, when Carlisle is working late. We have the house to ourselves for four hours, often much longer. We go into my room, we talk. He tells me what his father used to do to him, every single night. Every night, how he used to go to his room, make him do the things a son should never do. He normally tells me this, then he sighs, rubs his forearms gently. We've never discussed the actual cutting. We know we both do it, but we never talk about it. Some days, when he's angry, when he gets furiously mad for no apparent reason, he takes delight in kissing me and squeezing my arms, hearing my gasps of pain as he uses tongue and teeth to bite me, marking me - never where it can be seen, but he always leaves a mark. His hands go easily around my arms, and he holds me astride his lap as he kisses me, holding my arms tightly enough to send darts of pain all over me. I writhe and swear, and he seems to enjoy it. He certainly gets rougher.

We've never seen each other's cuts, but he sees mine one afternoon, when I'm washing my hands after using the loo. He looks at them intently, holding my arms under the light. He doesn't say anything about them after that, and he goes home shortly after. It was the only day he never put a mark on me. I thought I'd lost him. I cut more than I normally did that night, watching blood drip. But the next time he was round, he brought his blade with him.

He used something similar to a surgeons scalpel, whereas I used a very sharp craft knife. He opened his school bag and brought it out, moving it gently over my chest, watching the blade raise goose bumps on me. He didn't cut my chest, instead putting the blade down and then looking up at me.

"The first time my father came to me," he said, slowly. "The very first time, I was fourteen. He came in half naked, just his boxers. He woke me up, pulling my covers back, getting in beside me. I pushed him away, but he made me give him a hug. I could feel his erection through his boxers. He asked me if I knew what a blowjob was. I said I did, and he said that that was good. Then he pulled me upright, pushed me onto the floor, on my knees. I didn't know what he wanted - I was so stupid - and I just knelt there, shocked. My father had never so much as smacked me for being naughty. He'd never been rough with me before. He pulled himself out, told me to give him a blowjob. He said every father and son did it, that it was normal. I lashed out, using my fists. I punched him in the jaw. He hit me back, twice as hard. Then he'd grabbed my head and held my nose so I couldn't breathe. He'd always been stronger than me, and I couldn't struggle, he was holding me so tightly. I had to open my mouth to breathe, and then he'd just shoved his dick in my mouth. He told me to suck it or he'd kill me. So I did." He looks nauseated. And then he picks the blade up. "You've suffered too, Bella, so much. Can I mark you?" I stare at him. "I just want to prove I love you."

JPOV

My blade sank into the impossibly soft skin of her arm. Blood welled up as she watched the knife instead of me. She bit her lip. I made just that one cut then put the blade down, gently. She looks up and her eyes are hazy. Clouded over with something strange, disproportionate to the situation. Want. I kiss her, and her lips are hungry on mine. I push her back onto her bed. Her sheets are white. I watch her blood stain them. She hooks her legs around my waist, pulling me close. I dip a finger into the blood on her arm, spreading it around with my fingertips. I write my name in her blood on her chest. She grabs my fingers. Before I can comprehend her, my fingers are in her mouth. I kiss her again, my desire and need spiralling rapidly. I taste her blood on her tongue and then I push her away. She growls, seizing a fistful of my shirt, yanking my mouth back down to hers. I enjoy her for seconds only. The front door slams. She shoves me away with surprising strength. Her eyes are dark with desire, but rage is shot through them now. She buttons her shirt rapidly, hiding my keepsake.

"Edward," she hisses, listening to his footsteps. He's nearly at her room. He'll come in, I can feel it. I shove her back onto her bed, pull her sleeves down and kiss her. She's lying on the bloodstain. He opens the door, and shock crosses his face. I glance around. Did I miss something. My blade is half under her bed, but that's not on the side nearest the door. He shouldn't be able to see it. Then I realise he's shocked at us. Her legs are back round my waist, my hands either side of her shoulders, pushing my torso off her and y hips into her. She pushes me off and acts angry.

"Get out of my room, Edward," she hisses. "Don't you ever knock?"

EPOV

He's smirking at me, hair dishevelled, grey eyes predatory. She's glowering, her clothes rumpled, hair knotted. His eyes are lidded with desire. I don't even want to know what I interrupted.

"Mum will be back in about fifteen, Bella. You might want to leave." I turn around and slam out.

JPOV

She grabs my arm before I leave. Her blade is glinting in her hand. Before I can blink, she's pushed the sleeve of my sweater back and made a cut of her own. Then she closed her mouth over it. I feel her tongue take the blood from it, and then she kisses me goodbye and I leave.

She's mine, my property. God help Edward Cullen if he tries to take her from me.

_EPOV_

_I wish I knew now what I knew then. What he'd done to her. What he was going to do to her. What she'd done to him, and what she'd do to him. Their ritual. _


	5. Bite

EPOV

So they're a couple. The freaks, I hear most people whisper when they see them. Jasper, tall, thin, pale. Bella, small, slim and pale. God knows what she sees in him. But I do precisely what she wanted and I leave her well alone.

BPOV

The teachers don't think we're any good for each other. They try and separate us. We rebel, sitting sullenly, refusing to work unless we can sit together. So we get to sit together, normally with his hand on my leg, a grip just a shade too tight sometimes. When we walk down the halls, he's got his arm firmly around me, keeping me against his side. No question, he's in control. I'm glad he is - I can't handle having any form of control. I feel anger, pain and guilt about my survival. By turning over complete control to Jasper, I feel like at least a little of that guilt is taken. I deserve to be the good little submissive girl. The old me wouldn't have done this, and that's the best thing. By not being the old me, by being the hardened, angry version, I can find an outlet. That outlet is Jasper, and I don't care about bad influences and not good. I'm his outlet, he's mine. A perfect relationship. This is damn well what I want to do, and screw everybody else.

The day we have our first row is a blur, but somehow clear.

"Bella!" He's storming up to me, in between classes. I'm waiting outside his Spanish class.

"What?"

"I told you to wait for me!" He grabs my upper arms and shakes me. Fury boils up inside me.

"What do you think I'm doing, jackass?"

"Outside the gym!" He hisses. Students are staring, turning to face us. Foot traffic stops. "What are you, thick?"

"Oh, so I made a mistake! Take a chill pill, loser," I retort, knowing he hates that phase.

" Bella, I swear, don't even think about answering me back."

"Jasper, I'll do whatever I damn well like. You don't fucking own me!" He looks around. He knows this isn't the greatest place to do this. He takes my hand, drags me along. We go outside, he takes me right to the edge of the grounds, behind the trees. I dig my heels in. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Bella, I swear, don't push me."

"Screw you. You have no fucking right to be fucking pushing me around! Get your hands off me!" He shoves me against the tree. "Fuck, Jasper, you're hurting me!"

"Good! Maybe it'll teach you to fucking _listen!"_

"Damn you!" I shove against his shoulders, scrabbling at his sweater, trying to get a grip on him. "Let me go, damnit, or I promise you, I will not be responsible for what I do to you."

"Don't you dare threaten me, Isabella." His voice is now a vicious whisper, his lips against my ear. His hot breath trails down my neck, his lips at my ear, whispering to me. "I warn you. Never threaten me." I take one shaky breath. His lips now touching my ear, I feel his smile rather than see it. His hand grips my throat. He doesn't tighten his grasp, but I can feel his hand. It's slightly uncomfortable. "Are you scared, Isabella? Are you frightened of me?"

"Never," I snarl. "Never in a million years." He gives my neck a testing squeeze. He hears my intake of breath. I am not scared though: I like this, like his hand around my neck. It's exciting. It's arousing. Him, so completely in control - me, finally getting my dues - my punishment for my survival.

"You like this, don't you?" he growls in my ear. "Huh? You like this? You up against a fucking tree, with my hand round your neck. Do you like it?"

"Fuck. You."

"Answer me, Isabella."

"Yes." He backhands me viciously around the face.

"Slut." Then he kisses me, my head in his hands, him totally controlling the kiss. He forces my mouth open, slides his tongue against mine. I can't control my arms, my fingers tangle in the blonde curls. He yanks my arms away and slams them into the tree. He breaks away from my lips, kissing my neck. When he bites, I gasp. He sucks, bringing blood to the surface, bites again and then kisses. There will be a blotch there. I'm glad. Let everyone see that I'm totally under his control. I don't give a shit.

He let me go, tucking me securely under his arm, walking back towards the canteen. Edward confronts us.

"Jasper, what the hell have you done to her?" he demands, eyeing the blotch on my neck, livid against my pale skin. I made Jasper let us stop on the way in, to let me go to the loo. I'd looked at it then. It's already bruising up.

"I bit her, douche bag."

"Bella, how could you let him do that? Come on, come away from him."

"Edward, what I let my boyfriend do to me is none of your business. Back off."

"You heard her, Eddie. Run along." Jasper sneers, looking down his nose. He's taller than Edward, and I'm willing to bet he's more muscled.

"Don't you tell me what to do. You don't own her. And I want to speak to her alone."

"Well she doesn't want to talk to you."

"She can speak for herself!"

"Edward, go away." He shuts his mouth on the tirade I had no doubt he was about to begin. He looks at us both. Jasper tightens his grip on my, forcing me to turn so my front is against his side. He glares at Edward, his grey eyes flashing with his arrogance. I find it hot. Edward takes a step back, looking resigned.

"Mum is going to flip, Bella. And god knows what Dad will say."

"I don't really give a shit what they think, Edward. They aren't my parents."

"The staff are going to go mad."

Jasper took me out that night, taking me for dinner. We were just like a normal couple. He kissed me goodbye when he dropped me off and promised he'd call. He broke that promise, like he broke hundreds. I didn't care. The feel of his lips on mine, his hands gripping my neck just a shade too tightly - that was what I lived for now.

EPOV

Mum freaked.

"Bella! Your neck!" She'd shrugged and disappeared. "Edward, what the hell -"

"Her boyfriend bit her, apparently."

"She has a boyfriend?"

"Jasper Whitlock. New kid. Staying at the care home." She didn't know him, and as I didn't know him that well either, I couldn't help her out. She looked surprised.

"Your father isn't going to like it."

He didn't. He gave her a stern lecture about it over dinner.

"Isabella, you know that that is an exceedingly silly thing to let someone do to you? You're risking various forms of infection - technically, that is a wound, particularly as he seems to have drawn blood. It's also extremely disrespectful for someone to do. It shows no respect for you or your body. I do not want to see something like that again." The conversation is abandoned. Bella sits in mutinous silence, informs Esme she doesn't want dinner and excuses herself. He looks right at me.

"Edward, who is this Jasper character?"

"New guy. Nobody knows a damn thing about him, apart from his name and that he's staying at the local care home. Nobody knows why he's there, or anything about him. All I know is that he and Bella are quite involved. The teachers don't like it, but they won't work or even go to class if they aren't allowed to sit together. He's so possessive, somehow. He never lets her go, not ever."

"How involved?"

"Christ, Dad, I don't know!"

"Esme, perhaps you ought talk to her -"

"I will. I don't think she'll listen tonight, though. And I'll talk to Mandy tomorrow, find out what I can about Jasper. What's his surname?"

"Whitlock."

"Good idea, Esme. I'll make enquires at the hospital, see if he has a record. If he's a risk to Bella, I won't have him anywhere near her. She doesn't need more pain."


	6. Dangerous

**_A/N: sorry, sorry, i'll explain everything at the end of the chapter._**

JPOV

I am lying quietly in bed, and it is New Years Eve. A gang of local teens, probably pissed, pass beneath my window, singing loud, rude songs. My door clicks open, and a shaft of light falls across my floor. Perhaps if I pretend I'm sleeping, he'll go away. He won't make me do anything tonight. So I shut my eyes. My breathing is soft and even.

"Wake up, Jasper." I have to open my eyes. I don't want a slapping when I could so easily avoid it. "Get up." I do exactly what he asks, keeping my eyes on the floor, not meeting the eyes so exactly like mine. I feel a stab of bitter anger as I wonder what he gets off on, looking into my eyes when he fucks me. He kisses me straight off, his lips harsh on mine. I feel my face screw up, but I smooth the lines when he pulls away. He follows the pattern he always does. He shoves me back onto my bed, my shoulders protesting when they hit the headboard. I don't give him the satisfaction of a noise of pain. I haven't made a noise since that first time, when I was so shocked, I couldn't stop myself. I'll not give him that. I'm stronger than he thinks. He pushes at me till I'm on my front. He yanks my hips up. I hear rustling and a wet sound. I know what he's doing. He plunges inside me, and this time I nearly cry out. This time he gave me no preparation and two long years of this has made me thankful for that. He's rough, unbelievably rough. I bite my bottom lip till it bleeds, firm in my resolve that no noise will escape my lips. I can feel him. It makes me want to vomit, makes me want to _kill_ him. It would be so easy, so very, very easy. I could make it look like an accident. Push him in front of a bus, make sure no one saw anything, say he jumped, a gun, a single bullet to his head, make it look like a suicide. Every thrust, my hatred intensifies. Every noise of pleasure he makes, the more ways I come up with to kill him. I'd want to do it with my bare hands, make him look me in the eyes as I killed him, slowly and painfully. Make him _suffer_. I could make him suffer so much. It could hurt so much, and I'd have him look in my eyes as I did it. Look in my eyes. He finishes with a groan, pulls out, pushes me away. He beats the crap out of me. When he is done, I have a broken rib, and there will be bruises all over tomorrow.

Oh, but how much he would suffer…

"Jasper? Jazz?" Bella's voice infiltrates the haze. I was miles away. Telling her the story. She bites her bottom lip. She's turning her knife over and over in her hands. She's topless, and the cut I made on her two days ago is obvious. "Did you kill him?"

"I didn't have to." She waits for me to elaborate. I yank her down and roll us so I'm on top. She hooks her legs around me, pulls me close. I put my head on her chest, listening to the beat of her heart. She has such a soothing heart beat. I love the way I can listen to it speed up or slow down, just with a look. "I got a visit from Social Services. They got me from school. They said they knew. The hospital had rung them. I'd gone in with so many bruises and breaks. They got suspicious. I told them absolutely everything. I never saw my father again, and I damn well hope I never do." She threads her fingers through my hair, feathering it gently. I take the blade from where it fell.

"Not in here again. It was bad enough last time. I had to lie to Esme. So embarrassing."

I drag her to the bathroom she shares with Edward. She looks paler than ever under the harsh lighting. I seize her arms, and cut. Her brown eyes gaze at me, and then I get hard. I shove her back against the wall. She tips her head back, gives me her throat. I stop thinking right when I slam into her.

She's pale as a sheet the next morning when I see her outside school. She's waiting, just like she should. Waiting patiently, out of everybody's way, head down. No eye contact with any of the mother fuckers who pass her by, look at her with appreciation. Good girl. _My_ girl. Then Edward storms into my line of vision, making directly for her. He's talking to her, agitation in his manner, although I can't hear him. He must be keeping his voice down. Bella looks angry, says something back, gesturing. He grabs her arm, curling his hands round her bicep. She winces. That's where I cut her at some point last night. I remember I was inside her while I did it, and she was still staring at me. I remember I got off, and she didn't. I smirk at that memory. And like the good little bitch she is, she didn't argue. He asks her what's wrong. I'm within hearing now.

"What's that fucker been doing to you?" Ah, he's hissing. That's why I couldn't hear him. "What the fuck have you been doing?" He shoves her sleeve back, looks at her arm.

"Butt out, Edward. It's none of your damn business."

"Yeah, Eddie. Butt out, like she said."

"I'll tell Carlisle about your arms. About all of it." His lip curls. "God help you when he realises you're fucking her," he says to me. "I heard you last night. Shame you were in the bathroom at the time - I couldn't go throw up." I lunge for him, but Bella holds me back.

"He's not worth it, Jasper," she says my name quietly. "Jasper, he's not worth the trouble. Lets just go."

EPOV

When she got home that night, Dad knew, knew for certain what he was dealing with. Who Jasper Whitlock was, where he was from, why he was in care.

"Bella - Esme and I would like to talk to you, please. At once." They shut the door on the conversation, but I could hear them from my room, because the air vents let the sound travel all over the house.

"Bella, I don't like you hanging around with this Jasper character. He isn't - he's not safe, Bella."

"I'm not a baby. I can decide who is safe for me, and who isn't. You think just because he's in care, he isn't good enough?" The insolence is intentional.

"Bella, Jasper Whitlock has had, and is still having, intensive psychological treatment. He is dangerous."

"Of course he's getting therapy. After his father, are you surprised he's in therapy?" Confusion is creeping into her voice. She didn't know about the therapy. And what does she mean about his father?

"Bella, Jasper is having intensive anger management. His last care home had to make him leave, because he beat his girlfriend up so badly she needed hospital treatment. He's been diagnosed as paranoid, with hematomania - which means he's obsessed with blood - with borderline control issues - he's basically displaying all the signs of a control freak - and he can't let his past go. He's obsessed with revenge, with getting his own back on his father. He likes control, because his father never let him have any."

BPOV

He hasn't finished.

"Alone, Jasper would be dangerous enough. But when you put him together with you -"

"And what, exactly, is psychologically wrong with me?"

"Survivors guilt. You survived, your parents did not. I think you're manifesting that by handing over total and complete control to Jasper, by letting him run your life."

"And if I am?" Hmm, he's better than I gave him credit for.

"I'm worried about exactly how far the pair of you have gone, and how far you are going to go - you in your quest for redemption, which you don't need because the accident wasn't your fault - and him in his mission for control."

"We're worried, Bella. Edward says you've already started sleeping together." Esme glances at Carlisle. He takes it back up.

"He also says you've been self-harming."

"He should mind his own bloody business then -"

"Bella, don't be so rude. He is, and so are we, _extremely_ worried about you." He gets up. "To that end, and because we think it would be healthier all round, we've asked social services to relocate you. Mandy will be here tomorrow. You'll be going to a family in Surrey, and all the arrangements have been made. You'll have to pack tonight, and, Bella, we're very, very sorry we've had to do this. We've never had to before, and we're so sorry. But we believe, and so do your care team, that this is the best thing for you."

EPOV

"I hate you!" She screamed. She ran upstairs and slammed her door. And she called him. The next morning, they were both gone. She'd climbed out her bedroom window, and he'd simply walked out, because they didn't know Bella had already been told. I'll never forget my mother's face when we realised Bella was gone.

Her bed hadn't been slept in, some of her clothes were gone. She didn't leave a note. She left her phone, and he left his behind. Clearly, one or both of them knew exactly what they were doing. I wanted so badly to blame him for everything, and I couldn't. It was just as much her as him. The police began looking straight away. All we could do was pray they were both going to be OK.

A/N: OK, i know, i know. it's been ages and ages since i did anything. partly college, partly a week-long stay in hospital, and i am now fully recovered. well, 98%, anyway. i'm not going into detail about it, it's was a hell of a week, and there was a patchy two or three days. ok, right, even though i'm a terrible updater, please review!


	7. Salvation

A/N: Chapter contains violence and non-con.

_Dear Edward _

_I haven't much time. He's gone only for a few minutes. I'm scared, Edward. I'm sorry for everything that happened. I'm sorry for the things I said. Please help me. He frightens me._

_Bella_

EPOV

"Mum!" I shout, reading the few words on the otherwise totally blank page. "Mum!" She hurtles into the hall, face white. I hand her the sheet of paper. Her eyes go very wide, and she literally goes grey. I think she's going to faint. She brushes me off, calls the detective in charge of the case, and then it all goes mad. The postmark, it transpires, is the Lake District. How'd they get there? How'd they get all that way without being seen? Of course, none of these questions are answered by the detective, who has a stick so far up his ass, it's coming out his mouth. He's the best apparently. Some bull was spun about how he's ex-SAS. I don't care who he is, but I want Bella back, preferably in one piece.

EmmettPOV

They've been relegated on the news a bit. They're no longer headliners, but each bulletin, their pictures, descriptions and an overview of the story is given out. Now they're news again.

"Isabella Swan and Jasper Whitlock, the two teenagers who ran away from a foster and care home in Hammersmith three weeks ago, may have been traced. A new lead places the pair in the Lake District, after police received news. The exact nature of the lead has not been revealed. We remind the public that it is vital the pair are found, as both are suffering from considerable emotional and psychological stress. We also remind the public that Jasper Whitlock is considered a threat to both Isabella and himself, and to not approach the pair, but instead inform authorities immediately. Today an emotional broadcast was made by Isabella's foster family."

"We just want them both to let us know they're OK. All we want to know is whether or not Bella is OK. We want her to come back. We need her to know that no matter what's been said, we don't mind. There's still a place for her."

"Bella, I'm sorry, OK? I should have helped you, and I didn't. Please come back. Please just come back, and we can still sort this out." Edward says, looking right at the camera. "Please, Jasper," he adds, quietly. I hear it. He wants Jasper to let her come back.

I turn the TV off after that. I feel sick. It'd all come out, of course. Everything Edward knew, everything he thought might have been going on. How Jasper was - well, how Jasper was _sick_. Everything he was doing to Bella - and what Bella was probably doing to him. Alice puts her hand on my shoulder, and makes me jump.

"Hey, pixie."

"Hey, brother-bear. She'll be OK, you know. She's pretty tough."

"Yeah, but -"

"You can't live your life saying what if, Emmett. Sometimes you have to take your chances." She pats my head, and then wanders off. I think about that, sitting quietly and calmly for once. My mother starts when she sees me. I'm not doing anything, just sitting there.

I don't get any sleep that night. At around 3 a.m., Edward calls.

"Hey. Have we heard anything else?"

"No. Not since -" I don't need him to finish off that sentence. I know that Bella's note remains the only lead we have, and that even that could have been some clever decoy on behalf of Jasper. For all we know they could be anywhere, and he could be hurting her.

"I figure they'll be OK. She's pretty tough. At least she always struck me that way."

"Oh, she is. She's hurt, afraid, and worried. But she was bearing up OK before him. I guess she needed something, and he gave her what she thought was the appropriate route to take. I know it sounds like a cliché, but I never trusted him, Emmett. I always thought there was something about him."

"He had charisma, Edward. Some kind of weird pull around him. That sounds dumb."

"What gets said at three in the morning doesn't get spoken about again. And I agree. Bella never had a chance."

"Edward, none of us ever saw this coming. He didn't even bother to get in with us first. He just went straight for Bella, like a vampire would go for fresh blood. You feel guilty because you couldn't have protected her, but still feel you should've. That isn't going to work. They don't like each other, if they met in ordinary circumstances, they probably wouldn't have even spoken."

"It's just sex, is that what your saying? Just sex, and slicing each other up like some ritual." "Harsh as that sounds, yeah. It's just sex. It gives him control - and it takes away all her's. she's got survivor's guilt, and he's angry. Bella lets him dominate her."

"That psychology course is showing through."

"I know."

"Thanks, Emmett," he says, quietly, before he hangs up.

JPOV

I wake her up by sliding inside her. I don't wait for her to adjust, just go for her neck, biting hard, hard enough to bruise, to make her call out. She struggles. She's started doing that a lot recently. I slap her, pinch her stomach roughly.

"No, bitch," I snarl. "Still, like the whore you are." She growls at me, and pushes against my shoulders. I smack her head against something, and she goes still this time. She's conscious, but dazed. I finish off, slap her face, hard. "Good little whore," I croon, before pulling her upright. We've been sleeping rough in forests and on the streets. She's been behaving herself, up to a point. We're low on supplies, and we'll have to go into town. I'm not stupid. Most of the media will have died out by now, and chances are nobody will even give a damn.

We won't even get a second look.

BPOV

I'm scared, more scared than I've ever been in my life. I'm frightened that he's going to kill me. Every day, he gets more violent, more unpredictable. I'm never sure if he's going to be nice, or whether he's going to hit me. I'm never sure of his moods, they change so quickly, and without any warning. I don't need to do anything to provoke him, but he can still blame me for anything and everything.

_God, if you hear my prayers, let Edward have gotten my letter. Let him have told the police. Let them be looking for me. Keep me safe, Lord, if you hear my prayers._

He keeps me close to his side as we walk. I keep my eyes on the floor, keep my eyes focused on nothing. Meeting his eyes, that's a beating. But if I chose this relationship, if I chose him, then am I not, at the end of the day, responsible for what happens to me? Isn't it all consensual, if I agreed to this in the first place? Isn't it all my responsibility?

_Oh God, let someone catch us. Save me. _


	8. Please

He takes us both into town, but makes me wait outside while he goes into a tiny shop. It's a village, not much bigger than four or five streets, a pub in my sights, and a little church. I look through the glass. He's got his back to me. It's now or never, but I'm rooted to the spot. I want to leave, I cannot leave. He hurts me, he keeps me alive. I can't live with him, but I cannot survive without the control he exerts. I don't breathe when he is here, I cannot breathe when he is not. He goes behind a shelf. I've got seconds only. If I run now, when he looks back out of the window, and sees me gone, he'll come after me. I've no doubt that he'd kill me.

I make my choice, and I run.

My fear gives my feet wings. I'm headed for the pub - it's late evening, it'll be open and hopefully busy. I keep my rucksack, what personal memories I have still inside it. I'd leave it behind, anything to move faster, but it has the photo's of my parents in it.

It's only a few hundred meters, but it feels like miles as I run. I daren't look back, convinced he'll be there, ready to grab me. I only dare look back when I reach the doors. I nearly cry with relief. He isn't out yet. Perhaps he hasn't even noticed my absence. I fall through the doors of the pub, and look around. With a jolt of relief, I see two police men by the bar. They're in uniform, they're on duty, and I don't care what they're doing here.

"Oh my God, you've got to help me!" I shriek at them. The entire pub goes silent as everyone turns to look at me. I don't care that I sound deranged. "My name's Isabella Swan. My name is Isabella Swan. Please, you have to help me."

"Calm down, Miss," the younger policeman says. "What is it?"

"My name is Isabella Swan. I ran away from my foster home in London about three weeks ago with Jasper Whitlock, and you have to help because he's going to kill me." They both stare at me. "Please!"

"Base, this is Tango nine-one-six. We're in the Meriton village - and Isabella Swan has just walked into the village pub."

EdwardPOV

"Hello, this is the Cullen residence -"

"Can I speak to Esme or Carlisle Cullen please?"

"I'm afraid neither of them are here just now. Can I take a message?"

"Edward, this is Detective Inspector George Gates. We've found Isabella."

The frantic phone-calls I make are going to be in my memory forever.

"Mum, Mum, Mum, it's me, they've found her, they've found Bella."

She called the detective back that instant, and when he came round that night, she asked him endless questions. I had just one question.

"Have you caught Jasper yet?"

"Yes. He's in protective custody."

"Will they charge him?"

"I don't know, at this present time. That will largely depend upon Isabella. As she, originally, went with him willingly, and originally stayed with him by choice, and as everything that happened between them was consented to -"

"Detective, are you seriously saying any jury or any judge would put either of them up in court?"

"Dad, it sounds like you're _defending _him."

"I'm defending them both. Neither of them would ever be declared fit to stand trial or give any evidence. Both of them need serious psychological help."

"Jasper has been placed into protective custody already. He's booked into a psychological unit and he'll be taken there tomorrow. He'll get the help he needs. Personally, I feel I should tell you that he has every chance of being rehabilitated. I've seen much worse cases."

"After which he'll be released?"

"Discharged, Edward, he isn't in jail. But yes, that is generally what the detective is saying." Dad interjects.

"You'd have grounds for a restraining order, but we would only be able to tell you he's been discharged if both Jasper and Isabella consent to it."

"When will Isabella be coming back to us?"

"As soon as the police psychologist clears her. She may decide that Isabella needs to stay somewhere else, and she may decide that she should spend some time in a psychological unit herself. But I shouldn't think that it will come to that. You should have her back within a week. But she'll need counselling, and probably for several years."

EmmettPOV

I'll never forget the day Edward called, exhaustion in his voice.

"Emmett, it's over. They've found Bella. She's coming back. It's over." My knees nearly went completely.

"Thank God," I said, and then: "You need me and Alice to come over when she gets back?"

"Probably best not to crowd her. Esme spoke to her on the phone already, and she wants to go back to school. You'll see her then. She wants to say sorry."

"She doesn't have to, Edward. She doesn't have to."

_**A/N: Short but sweet. Please R&R?**_


	9. It's Time

EdwardPOV

Bella is chillingly different when she returns. Bruises and cuts highlight her face, and I'm reminded sharply of the time she first came here, recovering from appalling injuries. But this time, this time the psychological damage shows too. She looks thin and drawn, and frightened. She's jumpy as hell, twitching nervously, glances over her shoulder for seemingly no reason. She keeps on rubbing her arms, where I know she's hiding serious damage. This time, this time it must be different. So I make a point of being friendly, and she seems to respond to it, but pleads tiredness immediately after dinner, which seemed to be an ordeal. Esme hugged her tightly, and Carlisle made a point of kissing her cheek.

As I go up to bed that night, her door opens, and she peers out.

"Edward? Can I speak with you?" She pats the bed beside her awkwardly. She fiddles nervously with the buttons on her fleecy pyjamas, and looks horribly pale against the candy-pink of them. "I just wanted to say sorry. You know, for being such a bitch. Could we - could we maybe try again with the foster brother/sister thing? I know I don't deserve you to be nice to me."

"Bella, all I want is for us to be friends. We can try again, of course we can."

"Thanks, Edward. And I really am sorry. For everything I said while I was with - with - with him." She struggles with his name, and tears come into her brown eyes. "I'm a mess, in a mess, and I don't know which way to swim to get to the surface. I don't know how to swim, all I know if how to stop myself drowning. I thought he was giving me a way to swim, but I know now that he was dragging me down. But even now, even now I know that we were - are- both seriously fucked up, I can't hate him, and part of me still wants him here. Does that make me a terrible person?"

"No," I say, and put my arms around her. She latches on immediately, putting her arms around my waist and resting her head on my chest. I've never held anyone who feels as fragile as Bella does. "No, that doesn't make you wicked, or weak, or bad. You needed help, and you thought he was giving you that. It's not your fault he made your trust into something corrupted and scary. You can get all the right help now, Bella. We're going to help you swim, I promise you. And you're never going to be in any danger again. I'm going to keep you safe. We all are. Alice, and Emmett, and Rosalie. And my parents are going to help you. I promise that it'll be OK eventually, that one day you'll be fine. And you know you can always talk to me, about anything and at any time. Even if it's one in the morning. Even if it's just to talk, or even if you just need a hug."

"Thanks, Edward. But I think right now -"

"You need some sleep? No problem. You need anything?"

"Stay with me? Just until I fall asleep? I - I don't want to be on my own."

I stay until she falls asleep. Mum is there when I get up from beside her bed.

"You didn't have to do that, Edward. I would have sat with her."

"She wanted me. I already let her be alone once, and that didn't work. This time I'm going to keep her close."

"You might have to keep her closer than you think. The police medical officer says she's been suffering from nightmares. Wakes up screaming."

"Then I'll sleep right here, until she stops doing that."

I get the sleeping bag out, unroll it on her floor, and settle down. It's the first night of many that I will be woken up by terrified screaming, and hysterical pleas to be saved. It will break my heart every time.

Her first day back at school is tense. People stare - they've all read the papers or seen the news, and those who haven't have been filled in by the gossips. She keeps her head well up, but her eyes are downcast. Emmett moves up beside her in the hall at lunch, and winds his arm very loose about her shoulders. She looks up at him, and a trembling little smile appears. He whispers something in her ear, and she nods. We end up eating lunch outside, on the grass.

"Heads!" a voice suddenly shouts, breaking into out lunch. A football rolls to a stop next to Bella, who immediately gets up and kicks it back. It's a pretty decent kick actually - straight, neat and direct. "Thank you!"

"Bella, that wasn't a bad kick," Emmett says, admiringly.

"Used to play."

"Want to start playing again? Join the team, Alice could have company."

"I don't know, it's been a while."

"Yeah, but you never lose it completely. Do you want me to talk to Coach for you? Maybe get a trial." She shrugs.

"OK."

It's a big step, and Mum is pleased when Bella volunteers the information without any prompting. for the first time ever, she joins me to watch TV after dinner. Sky1 is playing brand new Simpsons episodes, and she agrees to join me for a bit. Emmett slithers round as he generally does, informs us that Alice is doing her homework, and sits next to Bella. He looks huge next to her. Esme comes in with tea all round, and Emmett pokes his nose into Bella's cup, demanding to know why she drinks it black. She tells him she doesn't like it with milk or sugar, and he finally settles down in time for the opening credits.

"Is Emmett here a lot?" she asks me, much later, when we're watching Torchwood together in the den.

"Yeah, he says Esme is his second mother, because Mum always used to watch him and Alice when their parents had to work when they were younger. He used to call her Aunt Esme, but she told him to stop because it made her feel old."

"OK."

"Any reason to ask, out of curiosity?"

"No, I just wondered. I like it when he's near by. I think it's because he's so big. He makes me feel safer."

"Like Jasper didn't?" She looks at me long and hard. Nobody has mentioned Jasper in the weeks that she's been home. It's been tiptoed around. I'm taking a risk, and I know it.

"Just like Jasper didn't."

BPOV

Edward's question during that night makes me think seriously. I'm still clinging to those days with Jasper. Even though I know he wasn't good, and I know that he was bad for me, and most likely insane, I can't let go. Even though for the first time since my parents died, I truly feel like I'm getting through it, I still remember Jasper.

Finally, after a month back home, I ask to speak privately with Carlisle.

"So, Bella, how can I help you today?"

"I want to go and visit Jasper."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I've thought about it a lot - and I know that I need closure. I need to know that I'm not the only one getting better. I need to see him, and I need to speak with him. I have to know why. I can't let go of what happened. And I want him to know that I forgive him."

"Bella, I have fostered several children over the years, and many of them have overcome personal tragedy with courage and determination. But the courage I can see in your eyes, the bravery you have shown, and the determination you want to show - that sets you above and beyond. If you want to go and see Jasper, then I will arrange it for you."

The hospital Jasper is in is several hundred miles away, in Scotland. Carlisle arranges rooms in a B&B for two nights, and our trip will last three days. Esme is worried, but has agreed to let me go. I understand her reluctance, and I don't blame or resent her as I would have done once. I know this will be one of the most difficult trips I have ever made, but I know it is something that I have to do.

It took a lot of phone-calls and letter-writing, and psychiatric interviewing, to ascertain that both Jasper and I were fit for such a meeting. It is finally agreed, and on 9th June, exactly four moths after the car accident, Carlisle and I leave for Scotland. It's time.


	10. Stuff of Nightmares

A/N: OK, I think in this chapter, we need an outsiders POV. So, I introduce Jasper's psychologist, and we hear from him as he interviews Jasper.

JPOV

I'm shown into a private meeting room. My psychologist is already waiting for me.

"Good morning, Jasper."

"I fail to see anything good about it."

"Why do you think that."

"You took her from me. The one person who has ever loved me, and you took her from me. I want her back."

"You know that we aren't just going to hand over Bella Swan. You're ill, and you need help. But today, I want to talk to you about her."

"If you won't give her back, then there's no point talking about her."

"Jasper, we received a letter from Carlisle Cullen. He's Isabella's foster father. Bella has expressed a wish to see you. Our purpose here today is to determine whether you are both psychologically fit for this."

"Liar. She wouldn't ask to see me. I know how this shit works. You've told her I'm evil."

"Nobody has told her that you're evil."

"You think I am."

"I don't think you're evil. I think you're very sick, and that you need a lot of help."

"New policy, doc? Talk down to your patient and if they don't commit suicide, they might get better. Either way, you get your pay."

"Jasper, why do you think you're here?"

"Because you all think I'm dangerous."

PPOV

He's utterly flat and emotionless. I've seen severely depressed people during my career, people who are fighting major, major issues. I've seen a lack of emotion before. Everything Jasper is, is not new to me. And yet, somehow, he is more chilling than anyone I've seen before. His eyes are completely dead, except when Bella is mentioned. The rage and the lust in his eyes is almost palpable. I haven't yet met Bella Swan, but the reports say that she was almost as damaged as him. He looks tired, and uncaring. He looks like he has given up.

"Jasper, I want a proper answer. I can't conduct this review with any degree of accuracy if you do not cooperate with me."

"What do I get out of this?"

"Why do you always want to get something out of things? Why is product so important, and why doesn't method matter?"

"Don't know, doc."

"I think it's because of your father," I say, bluntly. "I think it's because of what your father did to you every night, so all you want is control."

"I don't talk about my father."

"We are talking about him."

"Lets talk about Bella. Lets talk about why, if you're so damn interested. I did it because I wanted to, I did it all because I could. Because she was too weak to stop me. Do you want to know what it felt like, when I let her cut me, when she let me cut her?"

"If you want to talk about it."

"It felt good. It felt fucking amazing. I can still feel that blade slicing through my skin. I can feel the blood. Hot and wet."

"And you liked that feeling?"

"I liked the pain." There is a wildness in his eyes. It's emotion, finally, finally it's emotion.

"Why?"

"Because it felt good. And it hurt. And that made me feel like I was the one in control."

"By letting Bella hurt you?"

"Because it felt so good when she'd cut me while I had my cock inside her, and I loved the way her eyes would go big when I cut her when I climaxed. And she used to cut me deep."

"Jasper, were you letting Bella cut you because it made you feel in control, or because it was familiar to you? Did you recognise pain because you knew pain? I don't want you to answer me now, I want you to think about it for a while, and then I want you to tell me when you're ready." I get up to leave, and miraculously, he lets me get to the door before he speaks. I've become used to my meetings with Jasper ending in him throwing things and screaming about how we're trying to kill him. The first time I witnessed it, it genuinely frightened me. He'd picked up his chair and thrown it my head with considerable force. He'd been wrestled to the ground by four security personnel and sedated. This is a good improvement as far as I'm concerned.

"Will you let me see Bella?"

"I'm not sure yet."

"You're trying to keep me away from her."

"No, Jasper, I have to know that you are well enough to handle it. But you can see her, if you show me that you want to get better. I can help you, if you let me. Think about your answer, and I will see you tomorrow at your usual time."

JPOV

That night is hell. I prowl around my room, trying desperately to get out. I fall asleep eventually, but it's troubled, all images of Bella, accusing me with her eyes, telling me that I'm worthless, accusing me of being evil.

"_You're just like your father, Jasper. Just like him." the dream Bella taunts, her hair flying as she dances out of my reach. I can't touch her. I can't move._

"_I'm not!" I scream, grabbing wildly. "I'm nothing like him!"_

"_Evil, evil, evil!" she chants, almost school-yard taunts, chilling me. "Evil, evil, evil, that's all you are! Evil, evil, evil!"_

"_No!"_

"_Yes, Jasper, yes! You're just like him! You are him! Evil, wicked, cruel!"_

"_I will not be my father!"_

"_You're already him, Jasper. How can you hate him? That's who you are." A mirror appears. "Look, Jasper, look at yourself!" I go over, and it isn't me looking back. It's his coal black eyes, his cruel hands reaching. And I am at his feet, except I am not me, I am the man with the dead eyes and murder in his eyes. "You are your father!"_

"_I am not! I can prove it!"_

"_How, Jasper, how? How will you prove it to me? Will we cut each other? Let's do that, Jasper, lets slice each other up. Let me hurt you Jasper! You're just like him!" _

"_I am not!"_

"_But you are. All you can do is cause pain, and all you can accept is pain. Shall I cut you Jasper?" Bella cries, producing a blade. "Is that what you want?"_

"_No!"_

"_All you can ever say is no, Jasper. Why don't you fight for once?"_

"_I shouldn't fight."_

"_Weak! Weak and psycho, just like your Daddy."_

"_I'm not him!"_

"_Show me that!"_

"_I don't know how. Just tell me what to do!"_

"_You've already done it! Now, to cut!" She lunges for me, her eyes alight, and the blade plunges towards to my heart…_

My screams bring nurses running.

"Jasper, calm down!"

"I want to see Doctor Kerman! I need to see him!"

"Jasper, I can't let you see anyone until you calm down. Tell me what's happened."

"I saw her, and she said I was just like my father, and then she tried to kill me."

"Jasper, who are you talking about?"

"She was here!"

"Jasper, listen to me, and look at me. Nobody's here. It's just us. You had a nightmare." I look around. I'm surrounded by nurses, and it's daylight outside my window. But at the back, in the doorway, she's there again.

"No, no, no, no! She's there, she's there, can't you see her!" I curl into a ball, hide my face from her. "She can't see me! Don't let her get to me, please!"

"Jasper, there is nobody here apart from us."

"Jasper, it's me, it's Doctor Kerman. What's wrong?"

"I need to talk to you!"

"OK, clear this room please."

"Doctor -"

"Nurse, he is agitated and distressed, and thinks he can see a woman coming after him, in a room where there are several women. Now, clear this room." I hear feet. "Jasper, it's just you and me now. There is nobody else in the room."

"She told me I was like my father! I'm not him, I am not my father!" I'm crying, and for the first time, I don't care. "You don't think I'm him?"

"No, no, I don't think you're like your father, because you _want _to change, you crave it. You are never going to be your father, but you need to let go of him. Do you want to come to my office?"

He gives me a Diet Coke and sits me down.

"OK, Jasper, tell me what happened in your dream."

"She told me she was like my father. Then there was a mirror. And I looked, and I was my father, and I was at my own feet. Then she told me that we would cut each other, told me I was a psycho just like my father, I told her I wasn't, and then she tried to kill me. She called me evil."

"Did anything else happen?"

"Yes. After I told her I wasn't like my father - she told me to show her how. I said I didn't know how, but she said I already had."

"So something you said in your dream proved that you weren't like him. What exactly did you say, when she said you were like your father?"

"I said that I didn't know how. And I asked her to tell me how."

"That's it, don't you see? She wanted you to say that you didn't know how to solve it. She wanted you to ask for help."

"That was it? That's all she wanted?"

"Who's she, Jasper? Who was the girl in your dream?"

"It was Bella. She wants to kill me, Doctor. She's coming for me."


	11. Why

BPOV

They've finally cleared it for us to meet. Carlisle wakes me on the morning of the meeting, and we go down to breakfast together.

"Bella, it's not too late for you to back out, if you want to. It's never too late. If you decide at any point -"

"Carlisle, I have to do this. I need it. I need to sit down and I need to see him, face to face. I have to know why, or I just can't move on."

"OK. We'll be there in about another hour."

I sit in silence for the rest of the ride. Mercifully, Carlisle seems to sense that I don't want to talk, and lets me be. I don't want to talk because I'm scared that if I open my mouth, I'll scream or vomit. Maybe both. My heart is pounding so rapidly I can feel the beat of it in my chest, in my ears, thrumming along every nerve as we pull up the driveway leading to the hospital. A reassuringly normal-looking man in sweater and jeans stands on the front steps. No white coat, no clinical air. Just a friendly, open smile, and a cheery voice.

"You must be Carlisle. I'm Dr Kerman, I'm Jasper's psychologist."

"It's good to meet you. This is Bella." He shakes my hand too, firm grip and a smile. I can't help it, and instinctively smile back.

"Hi," I manage to whisper.

"OK, I'm afraid that right now Jasper is in group therapy, for another forty-five minutes. I need to have a word with you both about exactly how we're going to do this, and then we can go on a little tour. I think you'll benefit from seeing Jasper's current environment." He takes us through to a private room, with a glass in the opposite wall, and a second door. "Bella, you and Jasper will meet here, but there has to be somebody in the Observation room, for safety reasons."

"How big is this safety risk?"

"Carlisle, it is nothing to be overly concerned about. But Jasper's history here has not been smooth, and it's only very recently that he has become calmer and less volatile. You know we wouldn't have approved this meeting if we believed that there was a risk to Bella's safety. Bella, we will be able to see and hear you, for your protection. If you want to end the meeting at any time, just walk to the door leading to Observation. We'll come in immediately. Do you have any questions?"

"How is he, Doctor? In himself?"

"Difficult. He was very hard to reach at first, but recently there was a trigger, and he has begun to respond, if slowly."

"OK. He knows I'm here?"

"He knew you were coming today, but he won't have been told yet that you're here. Would you like a tour?"

CPOV

She wanders slightly behind Dr Kerman and I, looking at everything. When it comes time to meet Jasper, we leave her alone, and go into the Observation.

"She can't hear us, can she?" I ask.

"No, not at all. I don't know exactly what I was expecting, but it wasn't this. She seems so frail."

"She was frailer a few weeks ago. It's almost like she started fighting when she decided she wanted to see Jasper."

"Now that's odd, because Jasper did much the same when we told him she wanted to see him."

"Medically, you think Jasper and Bella are both fit for this, yes?"

"Yes."

"In your personal opinion, do you think this is a good idea?"

"I don't know. It may well benefit them both - especially Bella, I'm more or less confident she can handle this. She's very brave. But I have reservations about Jasper. I have no grounds to prevent this meeting."

BPOV

He comes in accompanied by a nurse in white uniform, who then joins Kerman and Carlisle in Observation. I'm already sitting down. He looks at me for a long, long time. I think that I will have to start this conversation.

"Hello," I say, tentatively.

"Hello."

"Are you going to sit down?" He thinks about it, I can see it on his face. But he crosses the room, and sits down opposite me. I try smiling at him.

"Oh god, Bella, don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't be nice. I don't deserve your smile."

"Would you prefer it if I wasn't nice? I came here to see you, to speak to you - I am going to have to be nice."

"Why?"

"Because I had to know _why_, Jasper. I needed to know why we did everything we did, why you were so afraid to let me go."

"Everybody is always so obsessed with why, Bella. The doctors here - it's all Kerman talks about. Why, why Jasper, why were you so evil?"

"I don't think you're evil."

"Like hell."

"When I first got away from you? For a bit, I thought you _were _evil. I thought that then. I don't now. I did. At first it was fine, you know. I figured by handing myself over to you, I'd get my punishment. Punishment for surviving, when they died, when I saw them dead, and wondered why the hell I was still alive. By letting you cut me, I was spilling the blood I always should have spilt. That's what I figured on. For a while, it seemed like it was working - the cutting and the sex and the control. It felt like I was paying. But I did a lot of thinking. When we ran away - that wasn't what I wanted, Jasper. I wanted you to control me, not rape me, drag me off with you. I got scared, so scared. When I got my chance to go, I did. I was so frightened. And I felt so guilty. I knew that if I left you, you'd be hurt, even more than you already were. But I couldn't stay, I had to go, I knew I needed to get some help. You kept me swimming for a while, but now - now I can see that after a while, you were just holding me down. That's my why, Jasper. Now I need to know yours, because I have to understand. I have to understand so I can forgive you."

"What the hell? Why would you even want to forgive me?"

"So you can start getting better."

"I was a monster to you, and you want to forgive me? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"A lot."

"I think you're an angel. And I hurt you, and I am sorry for that, and I will never stop being sorry."

Suddenly, I can't help it. I reach over to him, and cover his hands in mine. He turns his hands over, and catches my fingers in his.

"You know, in another world, we would have been good for each other."

"That other world can't happen now, Bella. You really want to know why?"

"I need to know why."

"Because it made me feel powerful, and let me keep on being in pain. All I knew was pain and hate. My father - I hated him, hated what he did to me, but it was all I knew. The pain and the hate - by cutting you, by letting you cut me, I got to keep that pain, keep my hatred. And the power, every time I did anything to you that I knew was going to hurt you, or maybe us both, I felt so fucking powerful. Because suddenly, I was the one in charge. I wanted us to run because I wanted to keep that control. Everyone was getting to worried, they were going to split us up. I couldn't lose you, I didn't want to release the first control I'd had in years. Years and years and years of him, of him taking his hate out on me. Pain was familiar so I stuck with it. Then it all started getting out of my control. The more you started fighting me - I was afraid I would lose you. I couldn't let that happen. You were slipping out of my hands, and all I knew was to tighten my grip and keep tightening. I wanted you to be afraid of me, needed you to fear me. If you feared the consequences of leaving, you wouldn't leave. That was what I figured. And for a bit, I was right. That's why, Bella."

"You're not your father, Jasper."

"I think I am."

"You're not. Because after your father got caught? He never regretted what he did. But you do, you want to get better, right?"

"Right."

"That's why you aren't him. That's why you are never going to be him." He yanks my hands closer, and I am forced sort of to my feet, leaning over the table between us.

"Bella, for the love of God, I need you to hate me!" he screams. The door to Observation opens.

"No, don't, it's fine," I say. "Let us talk."

"Bella -"

"I said we're fine." Dr. Kerman withdraws, but he may as well have a neon sign saying he isn't happy with this. "Jasper, they'll stop this if you don't keep calm and cool. Let go of my hands for a minute." He does. "I don't hate you now. I did hate you. I hated you with everything I had to hate with. But I couldn't hate you now. Because now I know why, now I get it."

PPOV

I can't believe what I'm seeing. He never opens up like this, he never talks. And she sees him once, and he tells her everything. Everything she asks him, he answers. He's connected to her.

Now I understand. They need to have therapy together, as well as separately, in order to understand and get through everything. I'm going to have to start looking to get Jasper transferred to another hospital, closer to Bella, so they can get through this.

"Group therapy," Carlisle says, interrupting my thoughts.

"Exactly what I was just thinking."

"They need it. In a way, they still need each other. Like they needed each other to hurt, now they need each other to heal. I work at Charing Cross Hospital - we have a good Psychological Care Unit. I can refer Jasper, try and find him a bed."

"I wasn't aware you were a doctor."

"Ah, I'm not in your field. I'm a heart surgeon."

"Ah, you're that Carlisle Cullen! I understand now. I knew I recognized you. You gave a lecture at the Medical Convention - I was there. I believe the subject was about paediatric heart care?"

"Indeed. But I know the head of PCU at the hospital. I can put you in touch, if you give me some contact details."

"Certainly. I feel that helping each other through their therapy will benefit them both. Separate sessions will help - but Jasper has revealed more today than he has in all his time here, and any of his previous therapy after the abuse. There is only so much we can do by counselling them separately. For some of this, they need each other."


	12. Emmett

EmmettPOV

"So, Bella, how'd Scotland go for you?"

"Better than I thought it would."

"Going to elaborate any further?"

"No, not yet."

"Want to watch Torchwood with me later? I got the box set of series one."

"What an offer. Maybe. I'll consider it during Biology."

"We're dissecting frogs. You're going to think of me while you dissect a frog? I'm insulted."

"Don't be, it's quite a compliment. I hate dissection, thinking about your dazzling offer will take my mind off his spleen."

"Thanks, I think. Come on, lets go along. The frogs are calling us, Bella."

"You're weird, Emmett."

"Made you laugh though. Worth it to see you laugh." She shakes her head at me, but I still spot a smile as we start walking off. Edward jumps me when I sit down.

"What have you been doing to our Bella?"

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"Alright, I asked her to watch Torchwood with me."

"What did she say?"

"You're such a girl, Edward. My sister rubbing off on you?"

"Ask Alice how much of a "girl" I am, I'm fairly certain she can vouch for my masculinity. I believe she has commented on it in the past."

"Don't want to know," I say, pulling a face. "That's my sister."

"So, what did Bella say?"

"That she'd think about to take her mind off the frog's spleen."

She doesn't look like she's thinking about it. She looks like she's chatting to Angela Weber about something. Neither of them has touched their frog. Mr Banner is winding his way towards them. Mike is threatening Jessica with what looks like a bit of intestine. Edward is humming next to me.

"Edward, are you humming while you slice into a frog's belly?"

"Yep."

"Dude, that is sick and twisted."

I nab her before she slopes off home with Edward. She's half in her rucksack, rummaging for something.

"If you emptied it out at the end of every day, you wouldn't lose things so often."

"I haven't _lost_ anything, Edward, I just can't find it."

"Yes, because it's buried, under days and days of junk."

"It's not _junk_, it's _work_."

"Learn to file or something. Mum _brought_ you folders."

"I'll lose it."

"You've already lost it!"

"Lost what, Bella?" I ask.

"Doesn't matter!"

"She's lost her phone."

"I haven't lost anything, it is temporarily misplaced."

"Checked your pockets?" I ask.

"Of course I have!"

"You haven't, have you?" Edward asks, raising his eyebrows. She hits him in the knees with her rucksack, which makes a fairly solid connection with him, and he winces.

"I hope it hurt."

"It's not my fault."

"I know."

"Bella, do you want to watch that box set with me?"

"I'll have to ask Esme and Carlisle, I don't want to just disappear off on them."

"You don't have to do that. Alice will come home with me, and I can tell Mum where you are. It's alright, her and Aunt Jayne are good friends."

"Am I coming home with you?" queries Alice, to whom this is clearly news.

"You are now." I snatch him aside before he starts waltzing off with her. I feel that I should make a couple of things clear after his earlier "joke".

"Edward, take my word for this, you like everything where it is, she comes home tonight without a hair out of place." He grins, but nods anyway.

"Point made and taken."

She's not much for talking, and I quite like the comfortable silence. Silence for Bella must be hard to come by.

"You don't talk much, when you're with all of us."

"I talk enough in my psychiatric sessions. I say enough in an hour, and what I say is all I want to say all day. When it's over, all I want to do is sleep and then listen to the quiet. Or TV. Something that isn't real."

"We need reality, Bella."

"I have enough reality, Emmett. I'll have the scars for the rest of my life. If I can see something that isn't real, I can pretend it didn't ever happen. And maybe that is unhealthy or risky or whatever, but it helps me sleep a little bit at night."

"Can I just give you a hug?"

BPOV

I stare at him, wide-eyed.

"What do you want to hug me for?"

"Because you're brave."

"Everyone says that now. Don't know why."

"Because you are. Because you're still standing and living and fighting. Know what I think?" I stop on the pavement, and he looks down at me.

"What?"

"I think your parents would be proud."

"Yeah," I say quietly. "Yeah, I guess they would." He holds his arms out to me, and I look at him for a long time.

"Going to leave me hanging here looking silly?"

"Couldn't have that," I murmur. I step into his arms, and he warps them round me, holding me close. I put my arms around his waist, and he pulls me onto my toes. One hand strokes my hair, and the other holds my waist. I feel safe here. Stable.

"Lets go back to mine. I think there might be cake." He makes me smile again. I can't help smiling when Emmett is around, I defy anyone to be sad when Emmett is around.

"Cake and Torchwood. You'll make someone very happy some day."

"Guess so."

EdwardPOV

She comes home smiling, right in time for dinner. Esme gives her a glance, but turns back to her pot without saying a word, without commenting on the smile. But I see the smile spread across her face as she stirs the casserole one last time.

"Bella, honey, will you set the table for me? And Alice, do you want to stay for dinner?"

"No thanks, Auntie. Mum is expecting me home, I'm sure. See you later though."

"Indeed. Can you tell Jayne to come over and see me tomorrow? Anytime will be good, I have the day off."

"Sure thing. Bye Edward, bye Bella." She hugs me, and then Bella. She looks startled. She and Alice have been cautiously making steps, but they haven't really been friendly. But she hugs her back, and smiles at her. Alice positively beams at me as she skips out. I grin back, then help Bella finish setting the table. Mum serves out, then sends me to go and get Dad. I drag him out of some medical journal, and he joins us.

"Bella, when did you get back? You weren't home earlier were you?"

"No, I was round at Emmett's. Edward said he'd tell you," she says, looking worried and biting her lip.

"Oh, don't worry, Bella, as long as one of us knew," Mum says, smiling at her. "You can go over to Emmett's any time, just make sure you let us know, either through Edward or by phone. What did you two do together?"

"We watched Torchwood, and he gave me a bit of Mrs McCarty's chocolate cake. I brought it home with me. There's enough for everyone."

"Jayne's homemade cake?" Dad says, visibly brightening.

"Yes, I think so."

"Lovely," he says, looking very pleased.

Bella pokes her head out of her door when I go past on my way to bed, and calls me inside. She shows me a mobile message.

"Yes?" I say, bemused.

"Who's it from? I don't have their number saved."

"It's Alice's."

"Oh right. She wants me to go to lunch with her on Saturday, in the Vintage Teas. Where is that?"

"In town. Oh, it's nice in there, they do this fantastic cheesecake. Don't worry, you can walk there together."

"OK. Thanks," she says, smiling.

"You've been smiling an awful lot today."

"I know," she says, shooing me out. "Thanks for helping. I want to go to bed now."

"OK, night."

It's too early for anything. But maybe, just maybe, Bella will have reason to smile more and more over the coming months.


	13. Park Benches

BPOV

Today is my first joint counselling session with Jasper. I hate it when I catch myself biting my nails, and put my hands in the pockets of my trousers to stop myself. Emmett, in typical Emmett fashion, notices both the biting and the hands in pockets, and slips an arm around my shoulders.

"When is it?" he asks quietly, so only I can hear him. We're sitting at lunch with the whole gang, and Rosalie glances at our closeness, before turning her back firmly, and engaging Edward and Alice in loud conversation. I hadn't even met Rosalie before Jasper, as she'd been quite ill during those few weeks before I ran off. It's been easier to make friends with her, therefore, as she hasn't got those early weeks in the back of her mind.

"Carlisle's coming at two-thirty, to pick me up."

"What have you got after lunch?"

"Nothing, it's a free period. I was going to do some work in the library."

"You won't go home?"

"I'll only sit and bite my nails," I say, smiling at him slightly. He smiles back, and pulls me slightly closer.

"I'll sit with you, if you like."

"Thanks," I say, leaning on his shoulder for a second. He seems to get that I don't really have anything else worth saying, so gives me one last comforting squeeze and then lets me go. I fiddle about with my dinner, but decide that I haven't really got an appetite for it. I push it away, and stand up.

"Where you off to, Bella?"

"Loo," I mutter, and suit action to the word. I hear two chairs being pushed back behind me, and can't quite help the smile. "I never understood this girl thing of going to the loo in groups. I just need to pee."

"Yeah, well, so do I," Alice says brightly. I shake my head at her.

"No you don't, because you went before lunch and you can't possibly need to go again."

"Ah, you saw right through me. Oh well. Come on." She takes one arm and Rosalie takes the other, and they hustle me into a cubicle.

"Guys, I seriously need to pee. You're going to have to get out."

"In a minute! OK. We have something to tell you. Now, we're pretty sure you've already noticed, but we thought we'd point out the fact that Emmett likes you."

"OK. And you're going where with this?"

"Nowhere. Just thought we'd let you know."

"Look, guys. Here's the thing about that. I am nothing like ready for any kind of relationship with him, or with anyone. Maybe I will be one day, but right now I'm still trying to deal with the fact that in a couple of hours, I will sit a room, and watch Jasper die a little bit every time I mention that he hurt me. Do you know what that's like? I want to hate him, but I can't, because every time I look at him, I can just see the pain we're both in. Hating him won't help either of us get any better. And it's not fair to ask Emmett to fight my issues. He deserves a hell of a lot better than some girl who needs to do a lot of healing. Now get out, I need to pee."

RPOV

I take Alice aside in the common room when Bella has gone with Carlisle and Emmett is nowhere to be seen.

"So, we tried the tell Bella everything approach, and that didn't work. What's the next plan?"

"Maybe there isn't a next plan. Look, Alice, lets just let things develop in their own time. Bella has to have her time to heal or people will only get hurt. All we can do is make sure that they spend time together, and let Bella see in her own time that he isn't going to hurt her. I know you love being all match-maker and you love people being all new couple-y, but you're going to have to sit on it this time. I mean that, Alice. No more. Leave the girl alone, these things have a way of solving themselves, eventually."

"OK. I was insensitive, and I'll apologise to her."

"I didn't say that."

"Yes, but you meant it. You're right. Can I match-make you?"

"Nope."

"Rose -"

"No."

"But -"

"Alice."

"OK, OK. Spoilsport."

"Come on, lets go dig Emmett out and get off home."

"Uh-uh, I got Textiles five minutes ago. You go find Emmett. Take him home, don't let him sit there biting his nails all afternoon will you, Rose?"

"What am I meant to do with him."

"Rose, for all I care you can take each other for ice cream and go to feed ducks. Just keep him occupied. He's my brother and I know that if you leave him alone he'll just sit in his room and fret. I'll see you later."

She dashes off, and I collect up my things, her bag, and start out after her. She runs back, takes it off me, and then disappears again. I've been friends with her for years, I know her almost as well as she and Emmett know each other, even if I've never seen twins so different. Emmett is up his favourite tree, whistling.

"Emmett, get down from the tree. You know if a teacher catches you doing that you'll get detention again. Want to come to the park with me?"

"And do what, feed ducks?"

"If I had bread we would, but as I don't, we'll just get ice-cream. Come on." We walk in silence to the gates of the park, but then he nudges me gently. We're all linked up, arm in arm. People walking by give us knowing little glances, but they're wrong. Once, there might have been something between Emmett and I, but we've both accepted that the ship that might have once been our romance has long since sailed.

"Aly set you up to this, didn't she? Don't shake your head, Rosie. I know my sister, I know the strings she pulls better than anyone. You take me off to the park for ice-cream and ducks, she thinks I'm not thinking about Bella. This is insulting for us both."

"Sorry."

"Nah. I don't like the idea of him alone with her. You know?" We reach the ice-cream van, and I smile at the server. I know this one.

"Alright, Ben?"

"Indeed I am. And yourself?"

"I'm good. But we need some pick-me-ups. What have you got in the line of pick-me-ups today?"

"I've got white chocolate Magnums for you, and for Emmett I have mint chocolate chip."

"Stunning. One white magnum and one tub of mint."

"£3.50. Have yourselves a nice day."

"And you." We're perched on a bench and watching the lunchtime strollers go by before I speak again. "So, you like Bella."

"I'm not having this conversation, Rosalie."

"Alright. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You know what kills me, Rose? Knowing that she forgives him for everything. Knowing that it bothers her to see him suffer, after everything he did to her. That pisses me off, and that makes me ashamed."

"Emmett, you're weird as hell sometimes, and that's just fine with me. You're making sense, and you've got nothing to feel bad for. She'll get through this, and you can help her, and then when she's through it, you and her can make your own starts. And maybe it will work out, maybe you'll spend the rest of your lives together, or maybe you won't work out and you'll be just friends. Whatever happens, she'll be a friend for life."

"And you know this."

"Alice said."

"So?"

"Come on, Emmett. You know as well as me, better than, that what Alice says is normally pretty damn accurate." I sigh, and put my hand on his knee. "Look at us, sitting on this old bench and talking deep dark subjects. We're old, Emmett."

"Yeah, I know."

"What's this world come to? It's been a month, barely than, and already people have forgotten what happened. Most people don't even remember the names of the people involved. But we do, so we keep caring. We can't change the world, but we can change it for Bella. We can show her that people care about her and don't want anything from her in return. That people can make her better without hurting her too. You can give her all that."

"Thanks, Rosie. You're cool, you know?"

"I know. Come on, we'll go on home and eat chocolate together."


	14. Carry Me Home

BPOV

Carlisle picks me up from the school gates right on time. We sit together in silence, and don't try and make much conversation on the way to the hospital. I don't really know what to say to him.

"Bella, we're nearly there now," he says, gently. "Are you ready?"

"I think so."

"Good answer. I'd be worried if you said you were."

"I just - I don't know how to _be _with him. How to act around him."

"Just be natural with him. As hard as it is, try not to keep him in the box of what happened between you. I don't say don't think about it - but don't let yourself get preoccupied by it in these sessions. Try and be gentle with him."

"I think I understand," I say, slowly. "I should be on my guard, but not act like I'm defensive around him and I shouldn't blame him."

"Yes, just like that."

He's already there when I'm shown in. They give us a little time, although I know they're watching us closely. I can't see anything that would act as a two way mirror, but there'll be cameras. It's quiet in here, apart from our breathing.

"You look better." He breaks the silence.

"I wish I could say the same. Aren't you looking after yourself?"

"Who for?"

"Well, for you. You have to get better too. No point it just being me."

"Please stop doing that."

"Doing what?"

"Caring."

"You keep asking me to stop doing it, and I keep telling you I won't." There's a little silence. "How have all your sessions been coming along?"

"Lots of talking."

"Me too. Anybody would think I was crazy, Jaz."

"Jaz?"

"I don't like calling you Jasper now. That part of you is over now. Jaz suits you." He considers for a moment, cocking his head to one side and looking at me.

"I like it." A man in a check shirt and stonewash jeans comes in at that moment.

"Jasper, Isabella. I'm Dr Jon Kardas. You can call me Jon."

"And you can call me Bella. And Jasper's Jaz now."

"OK. Well, we'll get started. The first thing you both need to understand is that these sessions are following your format. You can talk to me, to each other, privately if you wish. Of course, you will be observed, but there'll be nobody in here apart from yourselves if you want. Today, I thought we could all just get to know each other."

"Do we get magic markers and whiteboards, and we each tell another person three things about ourselves? Look, Jon, we're not five," Jasper says, irritably.

"That wasn't my plan."

"We were talking just fine before you came along."

"Would you like me to go away again."

"That'd be nice." I'm quite surprised that he actually goes. Jasper sits back in his chair. "I don't like him."

"Hmmm, me neither. How much of a fuss do you think we'll need to make?"

"To get someone else, you mean? Not sure. He's not the person I usually see."

"I see Dr Fields normally. Lily. She's nice. Who do you see?"

"Lily Fields," he says, laughing.

"I've never heard you laugh like that before," I say, considering him. "It sort of makes you look - alive."

"I'll try and laugh more then. Don't want to wander around looking dead."

"Indeed not." I wander over to a table. Apparently, they use this room for kids. I pick up a teddy bear, golden brown with red patches under his paws. "I had a teddy like this once. Except his paw bits were brown. My mother brought him for me, for my seventh birthday."

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"Me too, Jaz. They were good people. We weren't rich, but they made sure that we never went without anything. There were treats, little days out. They never made me feel bad, like I wasn't good enough. They wanted me to do well at school and stuff, but I never felt like they were pushing me. They were perfect. Then when they weren't there, every time I complained about them, or moaned that they wouldn't let me out late - it all came back to me. I never got to tell them goodbye. I never got to say I loved them. By the time I was out of the coma - I'd missed their funerals. At the time, I thought I didn't want to go, because then I had to accept it. But now I wish I had been able to go. At least I would have got to say my goodbyes."

"Would it have stopped you running with me?"

"Probably."

"In a way - and bear with me, Bella - I'm glad you did run with me. At least I got to know you."

"We'll know each other for a little while yet, I should think. We're both screwed up, remember?" I say, and he laughs.

"I think I win the crazy prizes, Bella."

"Probably. Shall we play Monopoly?" He agrees, and we settle down to that. We have a minor spat because we both want to use the little dog as our piece. He lets me be the dog, and he takes the ship. Jon slimes back in after our hour is up, and we establish that I have the most money. "Ha, I win."

"Bella, the property tycoon. Got quite a nice ring to it."

"Thank you. We'll have to play again, give you your chance to save a little face."

"You two talk about much today?"

"Like you weren't listening to every word, Doc. Jasper, pass me the Chance cards, I need to put them away."

"I asked you to call me Jon, Bella."

"I prefer to call you Doc. Do we have to keep seeing you, or do we get some sort of choice?"

"You don't have to see me, you can request another psychiatrist."

"Then can we do that, because I don't like you very much?"

"Why not?"

"You annoy me. You treat me like a child who's been slashing her wrists just to get Daddy's attention. I wouldn't mind if you actually took me seriously. So I would like to see Doctor Lily Fields from now on, and Jasper has agreed with me."

"Why don't you like me?" he says, turning to Jasper.

"You are seriously lacking in any dress sense, Bella doesn't like you, and you're far too cheerful."

"Then I'll fill out the appropriate paperwork, and we'll see what we can do. Your session time may change to fit in with Lily's timetable."

"Maybe they'll actually find me a time that doesn't take me away from A-Level English. I have to go now, because I have History. See you, Jaz."

"See you, Bella."

Carlisle looks over at me in the car.

"So, you and Jasper don't like Dr. Kardas."

"The man is a prat."

"I agree. He didn't handle you two well, timed his entry wrong. He patronised you, too."

"At least you don't think I'm just being picky."

"I advised them to give you Lily in the first place. You and Jasper have bonded with her, I don't know why they didn't assign her."

"Maybe she's busy. Maybe she didn't want us."

"OK, Bella, I'm pulling over." He does so, and turns to me. "I don't want you to ever think that, OK? It's nothing to do with whether she wants you - she wants to help you get better. It's not just a job to her, it's more like a calling. She is one of the best. Now I'm not going to say that she's formed a love-bond with you. But she cares about you, and she cares about Jasper, and she wants you both to get better. I'll pull a few strings for you."

"Thanks. I guess it really is who you know."

"Not always."

EPOV

She's in Chemistry, although she turns up late.

"Sorry, Sir, only just got back from the pysch."

"That's fine, Miss Swan, I just hope you remembered your notepad this time, you are costing me an absolute fortune in spare sheets."

"Got it here."

"Copy up from Mr McCarty's notes, please." She sneaks my book closer to her, and starts scribbling away. She's only missed a couple of minutes, so she catches up pretty rapidly, then devotes full attention to the teacher. He calls her back after the bell, and she goes over to him. I wait for her, and as neither of them seem bothered by my presence, I hang about. "Have you got the homework I set?"

"Yes, here you go." He flicks through it, and frowns.

"Can I see your student diary, please?" She hands it to him, and waits quietly. "Yes, you've done the wrong homework. I wanted the questions on page 22 done, not 24. You've got them all right, however, so I suppose you've got something in your favour."

"I think this might be my fault, Isabella asked me for the homework, and I may have made a typing error on the old Facebook."

"I see. Then I'll let you off, Bella, but you, Emmett need to work on your typing skills - and, for that matter, your handwriting. Were you drunk by the end of this, or just falling asleep? It looks like you drugged a spider and let it loose after dipping it in some ink."

"Sorry Sir, I'll work on it."

"Yes, well. Off you go, both of you. Be free, but use protection while you're at."

"Scrubbed and gloved."

I tuck an arm around her shoulders when we go outside.

"So, it's Wednesday night."

"How very observant of you, have a gold star."

"Nobody likes a smart-ass, Kitten. I remember a Wednesday night when you dragged round to my place and watched some Torchwood with me."

"You want to repeat this experience?"

"No, I want you to come watch Silent Witness on Alibi with me."

"I'll ask Esme and Carlisle."

"What will you ask Esme and Carlisle?"

"Hello, Edward."

"You two look nice and cosy together."

"Shut up, Edward."

"I'm going to talk to Bella now, Bella's nicer to me. What were you going to ask?"

"If I can go to Emmett's tonight and watch Silent Witness with him."

"You know that show's not hugely like what forensic pathology is like."

"Yeah, but it's fun."

"I figure they'll be fine with it."

Apparently they are fine with it, as she's dropped off by Edward at nine, in exchange for the promise that I'll walk her home when the shows over. I give this promise, so we settle down together in the den and eat popcorn together.

BPOV

He's so soft and comfortable. Weird, because he looks so solid. But he's very warm, and his shoulder's so soft. And I'm so tired.

They told me the next day, when I woke up in my own bed, that he carried me home. All the way home, six whole streets. I didn't even feel it.


	15. Launches and Laughter

EPOV

Bella looks happier when I see her again. It's been a while, because the Cullen's went away on the weekend for a little camping trip. There's an unusual light in her eyes, and she looks healthier. And she looks genuinely pleased to see me, and gives me a hug of her own accord.

"Friendly this morning," I say, smiling down at her.

"I had a nice weekend, and this morning I got a letter from Jasper. They're letting him write to me now."

"This is a good thing?"

"It means he's getting better, Emmett. If they're letting him write to me, it means his psychologist thinks he's well enough to handle regular contact."

"What does he have to say?"

"Here, you can read it."

"Are you sure? Isn't it private?"

"No, he said I could show you."

"What?" I ask, momentarily thrown.

"I talked to him about you in our therapy session. He said I could show you in the letter."

"OK."

_Bella_

_They've finally decided that I'm mentally stable enough to write to you. I asked them what I should say, and Lily just said I should talk about what I do here. You already know I'm here for a minimum of a year without a chance of ending the sectioning, and I might not get out then. It all depends. I don't know, maybe I should just stay here forever. Maybe this is where I belong. _

_OK, so what do I do here? Well, they let me have books unless I do something mental and get my privileges revoked. And sometimes, when people here do stuff that they're not meant to, or are found with things they aren't allowed to have, they crack down on stuff, so we aren't allowed books or paper or even pens while they check everybody. I guess I should explain how this works. What you're allowed to have depends on what you're in here for. I'm not allowed to shave without supervision, I'm not allowed anything even a little sharp - hence the awful ball-point. Even now, I'm being watched. There's a guy in here for arson, and he isn't allowed to watch the television, because it can trigger off the craving for him. Anyway, you're smart, you can probably see the pattern emerging here. So I read a lot, and watch the television, and very occasionally, they let me use the internet - supervised, of course. Everything is supervised. The food isn't bad though, and we're allowed out into the yard every day unless the weather is foul, then we stay inside. I've joined the basketball team, so we have regular practices. And there's plenty of teachers here, so I'm keeping up with my education. After everything that's happened, there's restrictions on what I'll be able to do as a career, but I'm hoping to get into publishing. Maybe I could start a company. How's that dream of forensic pathology coming? Hope Emmett isn't distracting you too much. You must be good friends, you always talk about him. Maybe you could start a forensic pathology business, and I could publish your learned papers. _

_Anyway, I guess I'll see you next week like always, and I hope you're keeping well. You'll have to write and tell me all about your camping trip. I have to tell you that the letters are read by the staff, just to make sure I'm not plotting my escape or anything like that. See you soon - and if you could show Emmett this letter, so he might think I'm less of a monster, I'd appreciate it._

_Jas_

"Well, that's nice."

"You don't have to like him, Emmett, but he's trying."

"What are you going to do, just forgive him?"

"Well, I can't hate him forever. I did my hating, I'm not going to let it destroy me. Forgiving him is part of moving on."

"You're a better person than me."

"I think you're a good person."

"OK. You can tell him that while I don't particularly like him - in fact, I would say my feelings come pretty damn close to loathing - I will work on it, for you."

"Then thank you, and I shall tell him. Now, did you do your Chemistry report?"

"Shit, is that due today?"

"No, tomorrow, but if you haven't started now, you won't be able to finish it."

"I've started, I just need to conclude it."

"Fair enough. Got your English essay?"

"Yeah. Here we are. You've got physics now, right?"

"Not for another hour. Came in early to get work done. And you have PE? Will I see you at lunch?"

"Yeah, I have a full day today too."

"Weekdays suck."

"Most true. However, as we both have a free period after lunch, shall we slip off to Panini Place and get panini's and pizza slices?"

"Yes, yes we shall." Alice comes up to us at that moment, and actually leaves the ground to slap Emmett round the back of the head.

"Thanks sister dear. Where's Edward?"

"I'm here. Rosalie text me to say she'll meet us at the bottom of the road, so we'd better get our skates on, she hates waiting for people." We meet up with Rosalie and divide into groups. The boys wander on in front, and Rosalie, Alice and I drop back a bit to wander along slowly. They take an arm each and smile at me.

"I'm slightly worried. I don't like the smiles. Edward, they're looking at me weird."

"Run for the hills, Bella."

"Oh, God."

"We just want to go shopping."

"Oh, really? Oh that's fine then."

"Bella, really?" Edward asks, looking a little shocked.

"I like shopping. Mum and I used to go all the time, it was really nice. Shoes are my forte. I have an amazing shoe collection."

"I've never seen it," Edward states.

"Never unpacked it. Box is in the attic. Along with most of my clothes. You'll have to come over and help me unpack it all."

"Well, we should totally go shopping. Isn't it your birthday soon?"

"Next week."

"Next week? Damnit, Bella, why didn't you say anything?"

"Didn't think I was going to celebrate."

"Well, you are." But Emmett is looking at me intently, even as Alice and Rose start chattering about party planning excitedly.

"We don't have to have a party if you don't want to."

"I don't want to go out clubbing and drinking. I don't mind a meal and I don't mind something in the house, but I'm not going out."

"Alright, we won't go clubbing. You listening, Alice? No clubbing."

"Alright, alright. We'll do something else. But you only turn eighteen once."

"We're not having a massive party. I just want it to be us and Esme and Carlisle."

"OK, OK. I get the message."

"Alright, now when are we doing this shopping trip?"

"Weekend good for you? That's when I get my allowance."

"Yeah, which is twice the size of ours."

"Correction: I get the same as Emmett, I just also happen to have a very successful fashion line."

"Really?" Bella asks, admiringly. "I never knew that."

"Didn't Edward mention it?"

"We didn't really have any conversations, you know, and well, I guess it just never came up."

"Suppose not. Well, I have my own chain as of next month. You'll have to come to the launch."

"I choose life. I don't like cameras, and I don't like crowds."

"Oh, Bella, please. Edward's coming, and so is Emmett. Rose can't because she'll be in Germany with her father."

"What shall you be doing in Germany, Rosalie?" Bella asks. She's making such a huge effort with us all, as if she's determined to make up for those few weeks where she couldn't and wouldn't let us get close to her.

"Dad's in politics. He wants me to go into law, so he's dragging me to Germany to some God-awful gathering of politicians, so I can get an idea of it."

"Will you go into law?"

"Business law. Alice and I are going to go into business together."

"Bella can't join you, unless you're going to be working with the recently and suspiciously deceased."

"Nor can you. You want to go into physiotherapy, don't you?" she teases back. "Maybe you can rub the models down after a stressful afternoon on the catwalk."

"Oh, you're so terribly amusing."

"You know it. Come on, you'll be late. Actually, this is a point. Why are we all here? I mean we should be, but Alice, you don't need to be."

"Actually, I do. Have yet to finish up my English essay, so I plan to do it this morning."

"How do you get away with doing that all the time?"

"I never do, I always fail horribly."

"Mum thinks you pass."

"Yes, because I pass my exams and coursework."

"Sneaky, kid."

"You're only five minutes older than me, why do you never let me forget it?"

"Because those five minutes make me the stronger."

"Emmett, for God's sake go to class, you're going to be late. Edward left five freaking minutes ago," Bella insists, pushing me towards the gym.

BPOVAlice and I depart for the library, while Rose goes to Maths. She's got a double free after break, but has the pleasure of finishing a Wednesday with double Law. We all tend to hang around and then watch Star Trek: Voyager after school until we have to go to our various homes for dinner.

"Finished!" I announce, slamming my Biology text book shut. Alice pulls a hideous face at me, but before she can respond, a gaggle of giggling year elevens come over.

"Hey, aren't you Alice McCarty?"

"Yes, I am."

"_This_ Alice McCarty?" the ringleader asks, holding out a magazine. It's a picture of a model wearing a very pretty wool dress and some serious bondage knee boots. It's got Alice's name across the bottom.

"Yes."

"Ohmigod!" they all shriek quietly. I'm sure it would be ear-splitting if we weren't in a library. I open my textbook and try desperately to not howl with laughter. I'm aware that my textbook is shaking, but there's literally nothing I can do. "Will you sign this for us?" Alice agrees, and signs it, and I hear them all move away. I lower the book and put my head on the desk, quite literally crying with laughter.

"Shut up, Bella."

"They're…acting like…you're famous," I gasp out.

"I am famous," she says, laughing.

"They asked…you to sign…a _freaking_ magazine."

"Why does this amuse you?"

"I don't know," I say, wiping my eyes. "Seems so weird."

"It was pretty weird. You don't have to come to the launch, you know."

"Alice, I'll be honest, I protested because I figured you just wouldn't want me there and felt obliged to ask me. Figured I'd save you the trouble."

"Bella, you need to stop thinking we're hanging around with you out of pity or obligation. We actually do quite like you."

"Why, thank you."

"Bella, I want you to be there, you're my friend. You're going to be one of my best friends, once we finish up the getting to know you part. But, if you really hate the idea, I'm not going to force you to be there."

"No, I'd like to be there to support you. Now, I figure the event requires some formal wear. I do not own any formal wear, so part of our little shopping trip requires purchasing some."

"You don't have to. I made you a dress," she mumbles.

"I beg your pardon."

"I made you a dress. It's what I've been doing in Textiles. I started it when you came back from - you know. I knew the launch was coming, and I knew you wouldn't have one, so I made you one. I hoped we'd be friends."

"Oh," I say, quietly. I'm actually tearing up, and typical Alice, she notices it.

"Bella, don't cry."

"I'm not crying."

"Yes you are. Here, have a tissue. I always knew we'd be friends, even when you were so messed up, and acting like I was some kind of terrorist."

"I'm so sorry about how I acted then."

"You don't need to be sorry. Bella, you'd just lost your parents. Jasper was a harbour for you, so you took it because he could let you fight everything and everyone. It's partly our fault, in a way. We just immediately assumed you'd be OK with a totally new set of friends, and none of us tried to help. You pushed us away, but we let you do that. You and Jasper clearly needed help, and none of tried to get it for you. We didn't even make any effort."

"Emmett blames him."

"I see his logic. I blamed him too. But I know it wasn't just him, at least I do now."I stare at her, basically gob smacked.

"Alice, I -" I stutter.

"You don't need to say anything. I know. And you should really go to Physics or you'll be late. You can come over to my house tomorrow after school, and try the dress on. We can have a girly day, just us two."

"Can we have ice-cream?"

"We can, and some nice wine."

APOV

After she's gone, I put my pen down thoughtfully. I've never heard her laugh the way she did when the girls came over. It was so carefree and outright and happy. She's got an odd laugh, but it's a nice odd. When she really laughs, she really laughs, and her face relaxes. It's not just the little quiet laugh some girls do - it was a real big laugh, and it made her face light up. It's nice to finally see her looking happy and carefree. It's something new.

Emmett and Edward scare the daylights out of me shortly after Bella's left. Edward smiles down at me and gives me a kiss, which Emmett grimaces at.

"You two are meant to have a double lesson."

"Mr Johns had a meeting with head of sixth form. Let us escape from the clutches of football."

"Well, don't bother me now, there's good boys."

"Ahhh, but then we have more good news. I've just seen Miss Dewsbury. She said Mrs Taylor isn't here because she isn't well, and nobody wants to teach us, so if we go a the start of the lesson, they'll give us the next set of questions for our various books and we need to have them done for next lesson."

"You'd better not be lying to me."

"I'm not, I even checked with Elsie on reception. She definitely isn't here," Emmett protests, looking all hurt.

"Honest truth, babe."

"How's Bella?" Emmett asks, pseudo-casual. I nudge Edward and exchange glances with him.

"She's fine, just went off to physics. You missed it, actually."

"Missed what?"

"Well, these girls came over - one of my outfits is in Cosmo - and asked me to sign the page in the magazine, so I did. Bella started laughing. And it was a real laugh, a real laugh that really bubbled and ran - never heard anything quite like it and happy. It was definitely very happy. But anyway, she agreed to come to the launch next week. You'll have to escort her, Emmett."

"Me?"

"Well of course. Edward can't do it, he's escorting me. And she has to have somebody on her arm, else she'll be standing there all alone. You won't leave her on her own, will you?"

"Of course not," Emmett says indignantly. "What colour's her dress? My tie needs to match."

"Her dress is midnight blue. Really dark - _not navy - _with little crystals on it. Don't you dare tell her either, she hasn't even seen it yet. Get mum to match your tie up - I know you, you won't get it right." He rolls his eyes, but agrees happily, and we spend the next hour idly lounging about in the sixth form centre, until I realise that the only reason I'm even in of a Tuesday is for English. I decide that I'll do something productive, and ask the boys to get my English work so I can go home and finish up Bella's dress. Might as well do something with the day.


	16. Love

EPOV

Alice is kneeling on the floor in front of a mannequin wearing a beautiful blue dress.

"Is that Bella's?" I ask. She sticks a pin into her hand instead of the dress and yells.

"She better not be in this house," she warns, getting to her feet.

"No, she's waiting outside. It's her and Edward's day for Star Trek hosting, so she's waiting while Edward and Rosalie go on to set up. I figured you'd be buried in work, so I said I'd come up."

"Didn't even notice the time. Alright - what do you think, Emmett?"

"Of what, Star Trek?"

"Oh, please try and pay attention. Of the dress, you dolt."

"It's very pretty."

"Do you think it'll suit her?"

"Oh blimey, Alice, I don't know. I have no opinion of these things. I'm sure she'll look lovely."

"It's not quite done yet - she needs to try it on and then I'll need to make some adjustments. I'm a pretty damn good judge of size though, so there won't be anything major to do. Go on down, I'll be there in a minute. I just need to get those jeans of Rosalie's I was altering."

"Alright, but be quick. It's cold out."

"She just spent the weekend in a tent, Emmett, I really doubt she's feeling the cold that intently."

"Yeah, but I'm freezing my fingers off out there."

"Poor baby," she calls after me, laughing.

We head to Bella's together, and we've just turned into their street when Edward calls me to demand where we are. We assure him we're nearly there, and he tells us to hurry otherwise he and Rosalie will eat our sandwiches.

Bella takes a flying leap when we get into their den, and lands happily on top of Edward, who screams his head off - exactly like a ten year old girl.

"You'd better not have eaten my sandwiches."

"Oh my God, you psycho, you scared the hell out of me. I thought I was going to get eaten by the Devil. I haven't eaten your sandwiches, they've got spam in them, and you know very well I hate spam."

"Oo, spam. And coleslaw! Oh, Esme, thanks a bunch," she says, as Esme comes in with a plate of cookies.

"That's alright dear. Who just screamed, by the way? Emmett, did you pull Alice's hair or something?" We all laugh.

"No, it was Edward."

"Good God, really? We should get your father to check that out." Edward goes purple, and mutters under his breath. "Well, you people have fun. Oh, and Carlisle and I are going out tonight, to the theatre. We'll be back around midnight, so if you people want to stay here, you can order food in if you like, as long as you're all at home when we get back - and you two had best be in bed, too. I left fifty quid on the counter in the kitchen, to which your parents all contributed to. None of them mind."

"Aunty Esme, can Bella sleep over on Saturday? We're going shopping to get her some nice shoes for the launch next month, and I was thinking central London, so if she could stay, we wouldn't need to worry about dinner and so on, because we could eat there."

"If Bella wants to, Bella can stay over on Saturday. Is it OK with Jayne?"

"I asked her this morning, and she said it would be."

"You hadn't even asked me this morning."

"I knew you'd say yes. Thanks, Aunty."

"Hmm, yes, whatever. Now, I'm going to go and get ready, and then I'm going to the hospital."

"Want me to drive you there, Esme?" Rosalie asks. "Saves you leaving your car."

"If you wouldn't mind, dear, that would be a big help."

"Just call down about five minutes before you're ready to go, and I'll go and get the car."

"Thank you," Esme says, before she slips out of the room. We all settle down for Star Trek, and Alice and Bella bundle onto the armchair together, which is so huge, it seats them both perfectly. We decide on Chinese for dinner, and Rosalie offers to collect it, as she'll be going past our favourite takeaway restaurant on the way back from dropping Esme off at Charing Cross Hospital.

She comes back clutching the plastic bags and Edward and Bella go into the kitchen to dish up. We decided just to take advantage of what the restaurant calls "custom meal", where you order whatever you want and they make up a meal of it. Bella brings in mine and Rosalie's, and then goes back for her own, and joins me on the floor so Alice has elbow room on the chair. I poke my nose onto her plate.

"Emmett, it's king prawn with ginger, chicken in garlic sauce, duck in Cantonese sauce and special fried rice. Who's got the spring rolls?"

"I have," Rosalie says, passing them over. Bella puts one onto the side of my plate, and takes hers, then passes the bag to Edward.

"What sort are these?" I ask.

"Meat. Would you like to try a prawn?" Bella says, extending her chopsticks. I try it, and pull a face.

"No. Would you like to try this?"

"What is it?"

"Shredded beef." She takes a little bite, and chews.

"Oooo, I like it." The others have gone very quiet, and I can feel my ears burning. "Everyone's staring at us, aren't they?"

"Yes, yes we are. Shall we carry on watching Star Trek, if you two have quite finished your little love-in?" As neither of us answer, Alice just puts the show back on. The phone rings part-way through our third episode, and we all sit up and stretch as Bella gets up to answer the phone.

"Hello? Oh, Mrs McCarty. Yes…Yes, they're both here…Oh my God, yes, would you like to speak to them?…OK, I will. Can I do anything?… Yes, I see…I'll call them…Goodbye." Her footsteps return rapidly. "Emmett, Alice, can I talk to you out here?" We follow her out, and we go into the kitchen. "That was your mum, guys. Um - look, she told me firstly to tell you not to worry. Your grandmother's had a stroke, which they think was minor, but she's in Charing Cross Hospital. She said she seemed fine, there's nothing visible, but your mum still thinks you should go home, she wants to take you both to see her."

"Oh my God," Alice says, her eyes filling.

"Alice, honey, it's fine. She made it clear that it was minor. Shall I get Edward for you?" I nod at her, gathering Alice up into my arms.

BPOV

I go back to the living room and send Edward to Alice. I sit down with Rosalie, and she looks at me,

"What's happened?"

"Their grandmother's had a minor stroke."

"Good God, is she OK?"

"Mrs McCarty said the hospital said she should be, but all the same." Edward comes back in just then.

"I'm going up to the hospital with them. Tell Mum and Dad when they get home, won't you, Bella?"

"Sure, sure." The others don't come back, and moments later, we hear the door click shut behind them. Rosalie and I wait on the floor in silence for a moment.

"Shall we finish this episode?" she asks, quietly.

"Might as well," I say.

Rosalie goes home after that, and I tidy up, having refused her offer of help. It's something to keep me busy, and I put the radio on while I wash up. Just as I finish, there's a knock at the door. I wonder momentarily who it can be, then toss the towel onto the table and go to answer it.

"Is Carlisle here?" the man on the doorstep asks with a smile. He's young - at first I think he's a Jehovah's Witness.

"I'm afraid he's out, can I help you?"

"I work at the hospital with him. He asked me to bring these papers over when I knocked off, I think it's something for his research project."

"I'll see that he gets them. Will he know they came from you?"

"He will. Thanks."

"It's cool." Edward walks up behind him as he's turning to go, and asks me who it was. I explain, and ask him how things are at Alice and Emmett's.

"They're OK. Their grandmother is going to be OK, and Jayne said I didn't have to carry on hanging around. Did you manage to reach Mum and Dad?"

"No, both their mobiles just went right to voicemail. I didn't want to call the theatre to have them find them until I knew how serious everything was."

"Probably best. They so rarely get out, and it really isn't serious. Emmett says he'll call you later."

"Oh." He looks at me, head cocked slightly.

"You like him, don't you."

"No."

"I think you do."

"I think I'll hit you with this pan if you carry on." He laughs, and that more than anything convinces me that everything's OK.

"Alice said she wants you to go over after dinner tomorrow night to try your dress on."

"What's it like?"

"I haven't seen it." I look at him narrowly, and he raises his hands. "Honest to God." I give up on him and we finish the drying up. We're halfway through an episode of Family Guy when the house phone rings. I answer it.

"Hello?"

"Oh, hi, Bella. We've just got out the theatre, you called us?"

"Ah. Yes."

"Bella, is everything alright?" Esme's voice is tinged with worry.

"Uh, well, Mrs Brandon phoned earlier. Alice and Emmett's grandmother had a very minor stroke earlier tonight, I thought you'd both like to know."

"Oh, my goodness."

"It was very minor," I hurry to assure her. "Edward went to the hospital with them, would you rather talk to him?"

"Yes, please dear. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I hope you had a good night?"

"We did." I pass the phone to Edward and wander back into the den to carry on watching the TV.

"They're calling in to Jayne's on the way home, they say not to worry about them being a little late. Apparently we can be trusted to put ourselves to bed." I pout.

"But who will tuck me in and read me a bedtime story?" He rolls his eyes.

"I might, if you go and make me a drink." I consider it.

"I think I'll live, I'm too comfy. But if you're getting up, I'll have pink grapefruit."

We duly put ourselves to bed, but I stay awake until I hear the front door open and close, and voices downstairs. There are footsteps on the stairs, Edward's door opens and closes, then mine does the same. Esme always looks in on us both when she goes to bed. I like it, it lets me know that she cares about me. She even did it when I was being a total bitch.

"Esme?" I say, softly, before she can go away.

"Bella?" She responds at once, coming into my room and perching on my bed.

"How were they?"

"It was fine. Everything's going to be fine." She smiles at me, strokes my face. "Emmett asked me to give you this is you were still awake. He didn't want to call or text in case you were sleeping."

"Oh."

"He's a good boy."

"I know." She smiles at me again, a warm, motherly smile. Suddenly, I feel a snap inside me, and I burst into tears. She snatches me into her arms, strokes my hair, makes little soothing noises.

"Oh, darling, what's wrong?"

"I want my mother," I sob, the words tumbling out before I can stop them. "I miss them."

"Oh, my darling. I know, I know. And I wish I could give them back to you. And I'm sorry I can't." She hands me a glass of water, encourages me to sip, rubs my back, brushes my hair back off my face. "Perhaps you should do something to remember them." I take a deep breath.

"Will you take me to their graves, at the weekend? And - and could we take flowers?"

"Yes, we can do that. Do you want me to stay here tonight?" I nod, and she smiles sadly at me, kissing my forehead.

"I'll be here whenever you need me to be, Isabella. I know I can't replace your mother and I'd never try, but I love you like a daughter nonetheless."


	17. Safest I've Ever Felt

EmPOV

She comes home with me and Alice after school the next day, seeming excited. Edward's been casting some worried looks at her all day, but she doesn't respond to any of them, shaking him off and simply saying she'll see him at home. Alice is possibly the most excited I've ever seen her and Bella indulges her gently, letting her drag her along. She even lets Alice drag her up to the attic and her workroom, fairly roughly too.

"OK, are you ready?"

"Yes, Alice. I'm ready."

"OK, Emmett, put your hands over her eyes, I want it to be a complete surprise."

"That OK with you, Bella?"

"It's fine, Emmett. It's not like we have much of a choice." I laugh, and cover her eyes. I can feel her lashes fluttering against my fingers, and I can feel her smile. Alice takes her hands and leads her in to the room, standing her square on in front of the mannequin. "Can I see now?" Bella demands, her hands coming up to tug at mine.

"Yes, you can see now." I uncover her eyes and edge round to look at her face.

She isn't smiling. In fact, she looks like she's about to burst into tears.

"Bella? Don't you - don't you like it?" Alice says, looking devastated.

"No, no, I like it. It's lovely. But - but I can't wear it," she stammers, staring at the mannequin. Alice looks like she's been punched in the face.

"But - I made it just for you. I mean, you won't be overdressed -"

"That's not it," Bella says, clearly distressed now. She's twisting her fingers together, biting her lip. "I just can't wear it." Both she and Alice look close to tears.

"But _why_?" Alice demands.

"I can't - I mean - _look_!" The final word explodes from Bella like a great bomb going off. She yanks back the sleeves of her shirt, thrusts both her arms under Alice's nose. I can see the damage too - a thousand angry pink scars cross her forearms, hashing up to her elbows, clearly going under the sleeves to continue up, marring her porcelain skin. "They go all the way up, there're even marks on my shoulders. So now you both know. It's a really, really beautiful dress, Alice, it's the most beautiful dress I've ever seen, and I'm sorry you put so much effort into it, but I just can't wear it." She pushes her sleeves back down, shoves past me, pain lining her face. "I understand if you want to withdraw the invitation, and I didn't mean to upset you. But I just can't wear that dress." She walks out, leaving us to stare at each other helplessly. We're still standing there when my mobile rings, Edward's name flashing on my caller ID.

"What the _fuck_ did you do to Bella?"

"She only left here two minutes ago, how -"

"That explains why she's out of breath, but not why she's refusing to come out and I can hear her crying. The fuck happened?"

"Maybe we'd better come over."

"I really don't think it's an advisable plan for either of you to be here right now. Dad's on his way home, Mum had to call him. Emmett, I'm serious, I'm really, really worried. You need to tell me what the hell happened over there."

"Well, you know she came over to see the dress, try it on and so on. She was really excited about it, seemed really happy. But we showed it to her and she freaked out. Said all this stuff about how she couldn't wear it. So Alice asked her why, and it was just like she exploded. She showed us her scars, told us that they were all over her arms and on her shoulders, that that was why she couldn't wear the dress. Then she tore out of here, and then you know the rest better than us."

"_Fuck," _he hisses. "I totally forgot to warn Alice about making something with sleeves. OK. OK. Not your fault. Dad's here now, I call you back." He clicks off, and I face Alice.

"Goddamn it, Emmett. I didn't even think about scars. She's so broken, and I've gone and made it a thousand times worse by making her a dress she couldn't possibly wear without feeling horribly self-conscious and being reminded." Her eyes are sparkling with unshed tears.

"Alice, none of us thought about strapless being a bad idea. You can't go blaming yourself."

"I should go over there, apologise -"

"No, Edward made it pretty clear that us being there would only make it worse. She probably doesn't want us there right now?"

"Oh God, what if she never wants to see us again?"

"Alice, calm down. Couldn't you maybe make her one of those shrug type things?" I know full well that making something would distract her, keep her hands and mind busy. She'll only sit and fret otherwise.

"Oh. Yes." I leave her rummaging through her material boxes and retreat downstairs. I stare at my mobile, wrestling with myself - I want to go over, I want to snatch her up and tell her it's going to be OK, that her scars don't matter to me, that she's always going to be beautiful. But now I'm not sure if she'd see me if I did.

EdPOV

Dad came home immediately, finding me and Mum huddled outside Bella's door. His lips were set in a straight line, worry creasing his brow.

"She's put something against the door, locked the bathroom from the inside, so I can't get in through Edward's room." Mum is nearly in tears.

"I'll deal with this, both of you go downstairs." I sat on the stairs while he went into my room, and rattled the bathroom door. We must have been all thinking the same thing - if we couldn't get to her, what would she do in the interval?

CPOV

"Bella, it's just me now. All I want to do is come in and make sure you're alright."

"Leave me alone, Carlisle." Her voice sounds close enough for her to be in the bathroom.

"Bella, we both know I need to come in. You can either let me in voluntarily or I'll have to come in." She doesn't respond, but I hear footsteps and then her door closing. I pick the lock with my debit card, and walk through their bathroom. She's sitting on the windowsill, looking out at the back garden. Next door's cat is on the lawn again. She doesn't turn to face me, move, or even react in any way.

"I haven't cut myself. I haven't done anything. I just want to be alone."

"What happened?"

"Doesn't matter. Ask Edward. I don't care, call Emmett, he can tell you. But I don't want to go back into it."

"And you're definitely alright?"

"Would you prefer to check?" she asks, a tired, painful smile on her face.

"No, I trust you. In the same way that you know I had to make sure."

"I know, Carlisle. I know. Will you go away now?"

"If you let me move the chest of drawers and you promise not to put it back there."

"Alright. If you promise I'll be let alone."

"Deal," I say, patting her shoulder. I go downstairs, and Edward jumps up off the last step, turning to look up at me. "In the kitchen." Esme's already there, putting dinner together, staring half at the meat she's cutting, half staring vacantly into space. She wings round as I enter, Edward hot on my heels. "She's fine. But she wants to be left alone, Esme, and right now I think that's the best thing for her. Leave her, call her when dinner's ready, and if she wants to come down, she can, and if she wants to stay up there, she can do that too. Now, Edward. She suggested you might know something about what's going on. She also suggested I call Emmett and find out. Now, I don't mind which of you explains, but I want to know."

"You know it's Alice's launch next week. She invited Bella, and made her a dress. Bella went over today to see the dress, so Alice could put it on her and work out if she needed any adjustments. And it was a strapless dress."

"Oh, God."

"Apparently Bella just broke down a bit. Emmett said she saw the dress, and just said she couldn't wear it. And there was a discussion about why and then Bella showed them her arms and told them exactly why she couldn't wear a strapless dress."

"How could you have been so damn insensitive? All three of you, you knew, you knew what she did while she was with Jasper! Why did none of you ever think strapless would be a truly shocking idea?"

"I didn't know what Alice was planning. I know I should have warned her anyway, warned her that strapless would have been a bad idea but I - I just never thought of it, none of us did."

"Clearly."

"Carlisle, this isn't fair on Edward. It's not his fault."

"I know! I know." I take a deep breath, rub my hands over my face in frustration. "I assume Alice will deal with the situation so she can both wear the dress and go to the launch. While she might lack in foresight, she does at least have initiative."

BPOV

I can only assume they're talking about me, and oddly it doesn't bother me. I can't actually feel anything, just crushing numbness. The most beautiful dress I'd ever seen, intended for me to wear to my friend's biggest moment, and I refused it, rejected it, on the grounds that I was stupid once. She looked so hurt. And what the hell is Emmett going to make of me? Emmett. I never read the note he sent to me. I jump down from the windowsill, cross to my bedside table. And there it is, just a sheet folded into quarters, my name scribbled in his characteristic messy scrawl. Good job I've had so much practice through copying up his chemistry notes and proof-reading his essays.

_Bella - My Grandma's going to be fine. You were right when you said it'd be minor, and not to worry. I just wanted to let you know this so you wouldn't worry about it. Alice'll be fine, don't worry about that either. She says don't forget you're coming over tomorrow. I'm already looking forward to seeing you again. Emmett._

I grab my jacket before I can think it through, , run downstairs.

"Bella?" Carlisle calls.

"Back soon!" I rush out the house, start running before I really know where I'm headed. His mother answers the door.

"Bella, are you OK?"

"Where's Emmett?"

"He's -" I assume it's only good manners that prevents him from hurling his mother to one side, as he gently nudges her out the door frame and taking her place. There's a tension in his eyes that I don't recognise, that looks horribly wrong on him. And because I don't know what else to do, I put my arms around his waist and lean against his chest. He doesn't hesitate even a moment before he puts his arms around my shoulders and drags me close, pulling me onto tiptoe, holding me closer than I've ever been held by anyone. I can hear his heart beating. He picks me up in his arms, kicks his front door shut behind him and carries me into his living room. He doesn't let me go, and he just holds me until I've stopped shaking.

"I'm sorry," I mumble.

"Shut up. So am I. I should have thought of it."

"No. Don't put this on you. I should have said something the minute she said she was making the damn dress. This is on me."

"I -"

"Shut up," I say, echoing him from earlier. "Emmett, I have something to say. I know how you feel about me. Alice and Rosalie sort of dropped you in it a little. And I - I want us to try. You need to know going in that I'm a fucking mess. I'm a wreck. And I can't say I'll be much of a girlfriend. But I want to be selfish enough to ask you to give me a chance." He stares at me. And then, oh so gently, he presses a kiss onto my lips, and then puts his arms back round me, stroking my hair. I close my eyes, and I smile. This is something else entirely. This is special. This is the safest I've ever felt.


	18. A Little Bird and A Delicious Secret

EPOV

I walk her home after that. Esme will want her back for dinner, and for once there is no resistance when I drop my hand and hold hers. She smiles up at me, and my heart does some weird little flop, seeing her smile at me. She's very pretty in the sunset, the red light catching in her hair and highlighting her face. Before she lets herself back in, I snatch at her hand, steal a kiss. I feel her lips curve under mine, and then she responds, oh so softly and so sweetly hesitant. I can wait for her to understand that I'm never going to hurt her, and I can wait for that for as long as it takes. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm scared too. She's so frail and so broken. I have to question if she's even strong enough for this.

BPOV

I almost go into a daze for the rest of that night. His soft kisses are lingering on my lips, I can taste spice and chocolate and feel his five o'clock stubble on my face. It isn't an unpleasant sensation, rather the tingle reminds me that it was real and it did happen. He's prepared to let me try to fall for him, knowing that I'm probably only going to hurt him. But even knowing that, even knowing that I'm far too broken for him, I can't help but smile while I remember his kiss. Carlisle casts me several confused glances during dinner, which I can't help but grin like a fool all the way through, but Edward shoots me knowing little glances. I think Esme's just pleased to see that I'm alright, but at least none of them ask me any questions. I'd probably blush like an idiot and give all my secrets away in two straight seconds. And I want Emmett to be my own little secret, just for a little while. I seize the opportunity after dinner to call him.

"Hello, beautiful." I thank a lot of stars that he can't see my blushes.

"Hey, handsome," I say, shyly, and am rewarded by his deep chuckle. I love his laugh, the low rumble of amusement in his chest, the way it makes his eyes spark and flash, and how they crinkle at the corners.

"How can I help?"

"I wanted to ask you something."

"Ask away, and if I can give it within bounds of law and reason, I will."

"I want you to be my little secret for a little while. Just for a little while."

"Hmm, I rather like the idea of being your secret, Bella. But not for long - I want to show everyone that I got seduced by the most beautiful girl ever."

"As I recall," I say, smiling, "you kissed me. Making you the seducer."

"Oh no, little bird." I feel a ridiculous surge at what sounds an awful lot like a pet name for me, and I just know I'm smiling stupidly - which in turn makes me blush like mad. "You were the one who came over specifically to ask me out. I might have stolen the first kiss, but you instigated it."

"Fine," I say. "I'm the seducer." He laughs again. "Making you what?"

"Your little secret. How long do you intend to keep me your secret?"

"Forever," I say, promptly. "And as I'm the seducer, we go by my rules."

"A week."

"A decade."

"A week and a day."

"A year." We're both laughing by now, knowing this is just being silly.

"A week and a half."

"Six months of being my delicious little secret."

"Two weeks of being your delicious little secret. And no longer."

"Very well. I suppose I can just about live with that."

"I'm marking down the day. It's Friday. Two weeks today, we tell people. And I suppose I could be your half-secret after that."

"If you're my secret, who am I to you?"

"My little bird. A bird with broken wings who needs a lot of kissing and being held. You're my little bird and I'm your delicious little secret."

"Little bird," I echo. I like the sound of it. "Your little bird."

"Say it again, beautiful."

"Your little bird," I whisper. "I'm your little bird."

"And I'm your delicious little secret," I hear him murmur. Somehow it's right to end our conversation there, and we don't say goodbye.

When I wake up the next day, there's a text message on my phone, from Alice, asking me to come over before school. She has something to show me. I think I know what it is, and I reply to say I'll be over at eight. This means I need to chivvy Edward into action far sooner than he's used to, and I nudge him through breakfast, harass him into getting washed and dressed quickly. All this means is that he's very, very grumpy when we get to Emmett's house, and even grumpier when he's informed he's now expected to wait.

"What the hell did I have to come for? I could have met you later on."

"Keep Emmett company, grumpy guts. And Esme didn't want me to come on my own, so there." He continues his dark muttering, which means Emmett has time to blow me an unobserved kiss without him noticing. I'd return the gesture, but Alice bounds in and drags me off before I can. I do send him a smile, but I'm dragged off too soon for anything else.

"You look tired," I remark, as she drags me along.

"I was up all night."

"Doing what and why?"

"Adapting."

"You shouldn't have."

"Well, I did, so tough. Come on, you have to see it." It's the dress again, but she's added some lace to the bodice. It runs up the front in a deep V, incorporating the bodice, going up to form shoulders and sleeves. It's perfect. It might have been made like this, and if I hadn't seen it before, I wouldn't know it hadn't always been there. "Well?" she demands, actually doing a little jig of impatience.

"Oh, Alice. It's perfect."

"You really like it?"

"I love it, thank you so much. Not just for doing it, but for understanding."

"Bella, you act like we're going to give up on you. We aren't going to abandon you, no matter what happens. You couldn't wear it then, but you can wear it now. I'm not letting you get out of this launch. I'll keep adapting if necessary." I throw my arms around her and kiss her cheek warmly.

"No need at all. It's absolutely perfect and I can't wait."

"Good. Now, are you free after school? I could come over and look through your shoe collection, see if you have anything that matches. And if not, maybe Saturday we could -"

"I can't do Saturday."

"Why?"

"I'm going to my parent's graves. I need to say goodbye." She looks at me, and her hug is very tender. I lean into it, feeling that in her I've found possibly my greatest friend.

"Sunday?"

"Sunday's good."

"Only if you don't have anything that matches of course," she says, in a tone which definitely suggests that I will not have anything that matches and that we will have to go shopping. I'm perfectly OK with this, I actually like to shop, although I get the feeling that shopping with Alice will be nothing like regular shopping. I ask Edward when we return to the lounge together, Alice tucking a hand through my arm.

"Shopping with Alice could go down as an Olympic sport. Luckily, however, she has impeccable tastes. Don't worry, you should be safe."

"Safe?"

"Yeah, you said you like to shop. So you might be OK."

"OK."

"Alright people, we're going to be late. Let's move." Emmett hands my bag to me, brushing his fingers over the back of my hand as I reach for it. I smile at him, murmur my thanks, and he smiles back. I never knew it'd be so difficult to keep him my secret. I want to jump into his arms and feel his gentle kiss on my lips, I want to tuck my hand into his and see him smile down at me. But somehow it's all the more delicious that I can keep him my little secret - it makes every stolen glance and slight touches all the more special. I want it this way because I'm not sure yet. I know how I feel about him, and I know how he feels about me, what I'm not certain of is how fair I can be to him. How fair I'm going to be able to be after I've seen Jasper. I'm not sure I can hide this from him, not sure if it's right to do so. And if he is not ready to accept my obvious moving on, then can I be so cruel to him? Jasper, I'm starting to realise, will always hold a place deep inside me, he will always mean something to me. I'm not sure I could begin again with someone else before he is ready to let go of me in that sense. I don't know if I can hide it from Jasper, I'm not sure I'm really convincing anyone that I'm not deliriously happy. But if it were to upset Jasper, if this prevents him from getting better and finding his happiness, then this cannot happen. I cannot possibly make him suffer through that.


	19. The Very Cruellest of Angels

BPOV

Saturday starts out sunny, but the closer we get to the cemetery, the cloudier it gets. Fat drops of rain are falling when I go into the florists to choose the flowers, and by the time I've brought a bunch of roses for my mother and the carnations my father grew in our garden, it's changed into a regular downpour. Carlisle waits under an umbrella beneath a distant oak tree while I go alone to where they're buried. That's how I want it to be, and I'm soaked to the skin by the time I even reach their gravesides. They're right next to each other, matching headstones, simple granite with engravings with their names and dates. I put the carnations on my father's grave, knowing he'd like them, and put the roses on her grave. He used to give her roses, all the time. There didn't even need to be an occasion, he'd just come home from work and bring her roses. When I got older, he'd bring me posies, little bright-faced flowers that always reminded me of the singing flowers from _Alice in Wonderland_, the cartoon version from way before I was even born. Posies. I could have brought them posies, but I remember that I can bring them posies next time. There will be next times. Next time it mightn't rain and I wouldn't be feeling cold water trickle down my back and face, until I realise that some of the water on my face is not rain but my own tears, and that I'm crying.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough." Because it seems the best and most advisable thing to do, I kiss each headstone before I stand up, aware that there is a huge muddy stain on each knee of my jeans and that I'm soaked to the skin. My hair is clinging wetly to my face, neck, back. "I'll be back really soon," I murmur. "I promise I'll be back soon." I walk back over to Carlisle, and he leaves the shelter of the tree to come over to me. He doesn't try and hug me, he doesn't try to pull me into him. I don't know where we stand now.

"I'm seventeen," I say, slowly. "Seventeen years old, and in a year I have lost my parents, my innocence, nearly my life. Is it possible to be old at seventeen?"

"Yes. For you, yes."

"I've made some semblance of a life with you and with Esme. Even though it had such a shit start, I've made a little bit of a life. It can't ever be what I had with them. But I - I would like to stay, with you, if I can." He stops, looks down at me.

"Then stay," he says, very simply. "Stay with us."

He doesn't say anything else. When we get back to the house I shower and change, and then I have to get back in the car. This Saturday is shaping up to be stressful. Without having time to compose something to say to Emmett, without having had the time to warn him, I have had to decide what I have to say to Jasper. Because I can't _not_ tell him. Carlisle drives me, and if he senses my mood of confusion he doesn't comment on it. In fact, he just lets me sit in the silence I want, the silence I need. I have to have something to say. And even as he walks in to our appointment room, I have nothing ready to say to him.

"Lily," I say, drawing her aside, lowering my voice so he won't hear. "Lily, I need some time alone with him."

"Now, or later after we've spoken together?"

"I don't know. May I speak to you first?"

"Of course. Jasper, I'm taking Bella outside. Why don't you set up a game?" We've all gotten into this habit of playing a board game in every session.

"OK. What?"

"Monopoly," I say. "I like kicking your butt at it."

"Fine, but eventually I'll win." Lily takes me outside.

"What's up?"

"Nothing's up. I'm happy, Lily, really, really happy. I've met someone, or rather I knew him before but now it's more than it was. And I feel that Jas should know."

"But you're afraid that telling him that you've embarked on a relationship with someone else who is not him, will make him unhappy."

"Not that it'll make him unhappy. I'm afraid that it'll stop him getting better. But I am going to tell him. And if he doesn't approve, I have a plan for that."

"Tell him now. Take all the time you need. I'll see you separately tomorrow for your usual appointments. I'll be in my usual spot, if the situation turns bad, I'll come in with security."

"You think there's a chance?"

"I'm going to be honest and say yes. I can't tell you how he'll take this. In a lot of ways - while, of course, I can't discuss his private sessions with you - he still sees you as part of him almost." I nod.

"I was afraid of that. Oh well. Time to bite the bullet."

"I'll be in the next room, just call out." I can tell from that parting assurance that she's worried about what he'll say or do. I have my own doubts and reservations and there is a hard ball of tension in my tummy as I get ready to go back in.

I go back in, and Jasper is cross-legged in front of the low table.

"Isn't Lily coming?"

"No. I wanted to have some time with you."

"OK." This time, I'm observing him, and I see the leap in his eyes when I tell him I wanted to spend time with him. Goddamn, why did she have to be right?

"There is something I need to tell you, Jas. And I don't know how you'll take it."

"That sounds ominous."

"It isn't, I promise. At least, I hope it won't be. Please don't make it so."

"Bella. What is this really about?" He puts the game aside, and puts his hands flat on the table. He looks at me, and there is a look on his face I can't quite read. It isn't anger, it isn't hope, it isn't happiness. I'm not sure what it is. I hope they're ready. Somewhere in the very pit of my stomach, I know he will not take this at all well, and the hard ball intensifies from tension into abject fear. I am still afraid of him, and that's somehow a little surprising to me.

"It's about Emmett. I - I kissed him. And I asked him if he wanted to go out with me and he said yes. And he kissed me back and I - I felt you needed to know, had a right to know, that that was what had happened." I wait and pause, but he doesn't move. "And I also wanted you to know because I want to know that you'd be OK with it." There is a long and silent pause. It lasts some minutes, and I'm very afraid to break it, so I let him clench his hands away from me and I let him be the first to speak.

"Why the fuck would I be OK with that? You're turning your back on what we had with such finality." Because I still have nothing to say, I remain silent. "And now you can't even speak to me."

"I don't know what to say to you."

"For Gods sake, how can you be so cruel."

"I am not being cruel, at least not intentionally. What happened happened, he was - he was there when I was broken -"

"Broken by me! So you blame me!"

"I don't blame you - or at least, not entirely."

"Not entirely!" We stare at each other.

LilyPOV

"What the hell is she doing?" murmurs a nurse beside me.

"She's giving him all she can, which is her honesty." I watch them intently. "Get ready. I think we're going to need you."

"If you think she's in danger -"

"If I pull her out now, what happens? Every single bit of progress they've made is destroyed. This needs to happen." I look at him. "I'll take the heat, nurse. Don't worry."

"No, not entirely," she says, quietly. "But I am scarred because of you, no matter how much consent I gave. And I am broken, by you."

"No, you will not lay this at my door!"

"I don't, not all of it! But some of it does belong there!"

"So Emmett, dear Emmett comes along and picks you up and what? Have you fucked him?"

"Is that your business?"

"You whore." I inhale a breath, a sharp one, and gesture to the nurse to prepare.

BPOV

"I have not. I have kissed him and I have asked him to be my boyfriend. But I have not fucked him."

"Then why the fuck would you tell me this?"

"Because you needed to know this, Jasper. Because if you can't be happy with it, if you can't take it, and if it will stop you getting better, then it won't happen and it won't go any further."

"How dare you be so kind?"

"Not five minutes ago, I was cruel."

"You are. You are the cruellest of angels. You are the best of devils and the worst of angels. You come here every week to see me, you act like I had hope of you, hope of forgiveness and hope of you coming back to me one day, once I was better and not screwed up, I thought there was hope of you coming back to me. That we would have a chance at a normal, healthy relationship and that I would love you and care for you and you would love me back. You gave me hope, and now you've taken it all from me. With two sentences, you've destroyed any hope I may have had for us."

"I never said you may have hope. Not once have I ever said that we have had something after all this is over. If you saw that in me or read me as meaning that, then I'm sorry, but that was never my intention."

"It was never your _intention? _Are you saying there was never hope?"

"For Gods sake, Jasper, what hope could there possibly have been? After what we did, after what we did to each other, what I did to you - and what you did to me - what hope could you have held? You could not really have thought there was hope?" If he will slap at me to hurt, then I will slap at him. If he'll throw insults at me, I'll throw hurt back at him twice as hard.

"How dare you."

"I have to say it. If I've hurt you now, I can't hurt you any more. You have to know, Jasper. You must know." He finally stands up, and the table between us is literally kicked away. I back up, and he comes too.

"I hate you, and I will never forgive you."

"You have that right."

"Like I said. The very cruellest of angels." He kisses me, and it is different from previous kisses that I've had from him. This one is just a brush of lips, and then he steps away. I take the hint. I walk out, I walk away, and I pass Lily. I don't answer her questions about whether or not I'm alright. I just walk away, find Carlisle, get the car key, and go and wait while he goes to find out why I'm shaking like a leaf and refusing to speak.

I can't face seeing anyone that day, and after snapping at Carlisle that I really don't want to discuss it, I crawl under my covers and refuse to emerge. Esme brings some dinner, which I pick at but don't eat properly, and Edward comes in to take the tray. He doesn't try and talk to me, and I get to stay in my solitude. Which is just what I want.


	20. A Meeting of the Caring

BPOV

"I need to talk to you." We're in the park, just the day after Jasper kissed me at the end of our time together, sitting on a bench, watching the ducks paddle about.

"OK." Emmett laughs at it, but there is a guard behind his eyes. I know why - I don't think anyone has ever said anything good after announcing "I need to talk to you."

"I saw Jasper on Saturday."

"I know." He knows I see Jasper on Saturdays, everyone does. "Edward said there was something up after."

"I told him about you and me."

"I thought you wanted us to be a secret."

"I did. But I needed to tell him, and now I need you to listen while I tell you why."

"Alright. Scout's honour I won't interrupt."

"Alright." I look at him while I talk. I won't say this looking at the ground, I need to look him in the eye and give him that at least. "I wanted us to be a secret because I wasn't sure how Jasper would take it - and you said you wouldn't interrupt." He closes his mouth on the 'What's Jasper got to do with anything' remark I can see written all over his face. "So I told him, and I told him how deliriously happy I was - not that I needed to, he could probably see it in flashing neon lights. I told him because I knew that he's so fragile, him getting better depends so much on me. And I - I can't do anything to hurt his recovery now, so I needed him to know so I could gauge his reaction." I stop talking, because I've said everything I can think of. He obviously takes my silence as read.

"So, let me get this straight in my head, Isabella." The use of my full name hurts. He's obviously upset. "You went to that psycho and you asked his _permission?"_

"It wasn't like that, I didn't ask his permission."

"But you're about to tell me we can't be together because he doesn't like it."

"He didn't take it well."

"So you're breaking up with me."

"I don't want it to be like that, I just want us to maybe take a little bit of a break, until he's better -"

"God, Isabella, why do you even care about that scumbag?" Sad hurt is now anger, it's colouring his tone. He's still sitting close to me, but he may as well be miles away.

"He's not a scumbag, Emmett, he's sick."

"You're damn right he's sick, sick in the fucking head. He's still fucking controlling you."

"Emmett, what kind of person would I be if I put my own happiness - and believe me, Emmett, you've made me so wildly happy - before his recovery? He needs me, so he can get better, and that means he needs my undivided attention. What can I do but give it to him?"

"You know, it is possible to be too kind."

"I'm not being kind. Not to you. But this is the point I'm at. If I'm kind to you, I'm unbearably cruel to him, and if I put him first, I hurt you so badly. Believe me, Emmett, if I could make this work for you both, I really would."

"God, I never knew it was possible for someone to break a heart through kindness." I blink at that, because it's so like what Jasper said to me.

"I - I'm not breaking your heart, I -"

"Yes, you are." His voice is very low, but when I reach out for him, he moves away. And that's it. He moves away.

"You can't make me feel any more vile than I already do, Emmett, but thanks for trying. I don't want us to end this way. I don't, but I understand if you do."

"I don't see where this can go when you so clearly prioritise him like this. Look, Bella - I'm a big boy." He tries a smile, but it's so sad looking and forced that it looks painful. "If you still have feelings for him, if you want to go back to him, I can take hearing that."

"I don't. If you can value my words at all, I swear I don't."

"Then why can't you tell Jasper you spoke to me and we broke up?"

"I can't lie to him, and you can't ask me to. It wouldn't be honest. Don't wait, Emmett, don't wait for my screwed up mess to get sorted. Go find a girl who isn't broken."

"Don't tell me what to do, Bella. I'll wait if I want. I don't see why we have to break up, I want to stay with you, I want to support you."

"But I can't lie to him, and staying and telling him I didn't means I am lying."

"I'm painfully aware of that." We're still sitting on the bench together, even if he never closed the gap he made earlier on. "Alright. Fine. You do what you think is best or right, or whatever label you're putting on this. But please don't expect me to want to discuss it, or even hear his name again."

"Alright."

"And, um - I'll still escort you at Alice's launch on Thursday night. She'd ask too many questions if I didn't. And I suppose, as I was always your secret, she never knew and doesn't need to now. So we just won't say anything. And I won't make it difficult or awkward and I won't be off or different with you. Makes both our lives easier."

"It's more than I deserve."

"I know." He gets up. "You can walk yourself back? I need to be alone now, right now." I take his hint, stand up too. We say nothing to each other, because what can we say?

EPOV

I watch her walk away. She looks so fragile inside her big jumper, and for a while I want to run after her and tell her I'm sorry for what I said to her. But it's not her I should be talking to.

I can't go to the hospital until the next day, because you need to make an appointment to visit patients in the psych ward. It's weirdly normal, looking almost like a hotel, if a fairly cheap one. I wait for him in a little room off the side of a corridor, and a nurse briefs me.

"You can't be alone, for obvious reasons. I'll be behind that two way mirror, security will be ready if necessary. We'll come in when we judge we need to. If you want us to and we don't, just say you want to end the meeting. We can hear you."

"Is there a chance he'll get violent?"

"With Jasper, it's a fairly strong possibility."

"Alright."

"OK. You ready?"

"Yeah." He goes out, and a few minutes later, another nurse, a woman this time, comes in with Jasper. He checks a bit when he sees me, but doesn't respond to the nurse's enquiry about whether he's OK with this. As he walks over and sits down, she seems to assume he is, and nods to me, before going out. "They didn't tell you who was visiting?"

"They did. Didn't believe them though." We size each other up, trying not to break eye contact. "You're here about Bella."

"Yes, I am. Because you don't deserve her but she's ready to make herself extremely unhappy so you'll get better. Ready to make me unhappy to make you happy, and I don't mind telling you that if you weren't in here, I'd beat the absolute shit out for you what you did to her and for what you're still doing to her."

"So you've come to threaten me?"

"No, as brilliantly satisfying as it is. I came to ask you to tell her that it's alright for her to be happy."

"I'm not stopping her from being happy."

"Yes you are. Yes, because she thinks that her being happy with me will mean you don't get better. She's so desperate for you to get better that she's prepared to make herself unhappy, really, really unhappy. I get the impression that you care for her still, in some fucked up way. And if you do, and if you ever, ever felt anything for her other than some need to hurt her, you'll let her go and let her be happy."

"Are you asking so you can bang her?"

"No, I'm asking so she can be happy. You have no right to make her feel so damn obliged to you. Not after she's given you so much already."

"What do you know about what she's given me?"

"I've seen her scars. My sister made her a dress to wear for her fashion-line launch and she can't wear it because of her arms. She gave you her confidence, her soul, her spirit, she gave you everything and it still isn't enough for you. Because even though you know it's over, you won't let her go. So I am begging you as the man who loves her, please just let her go."

"Because you want her?"

"This isn't about me! It isn't even about you! It's about her, because she has to be the person who matters now! She has to come first now, because she needs to. You can't ask her to wait for you."

"Why?"

"Because she deserves so much more. And if you care about her half as much as you claim to, you'll do the right thing by her. And if you don't, then we'll know how you really feel about her. Just think about that. Think about her and for once, Jasper, I'm begging you, do the unselfish thing and put her first."

"Don't you dare presume to think you know what I feel for her! You know nothing!" He screams the words at me, and we launch to our feet at the same time.

"Then you tell me now what you feel for her!"

"Boys, I have to insist you both calm down right now, or this ends."

"Sorry," I say, glancing at the doctor.

"Jasper, are you good to carry on?"

"Yeah, he's good to stay. I get the feeling this is one of those conversations we have to have," I snap.

"Jasper?" the doctor prompts.

"I'm fine." We're left again, but now I at least know for certain that they're watching us. It makes me feel a little safer.

"So tell me," I say, coolly, "tell me how you feel about her."

"I need her. She's like a drug to me, she's like air. Before she was there, there was nothing, and all there was, was pain and rage. And she took that away from me."

"No she didn't, Jasper, you just channelled it into her. She was just a place for you to store it. And I know that because now you aren't with her, you still have all that pain and rage. If she'd taken it away from you, you wouldn't still have it."

"Exactly, so I'm not done with her yet. I need her back."

"She won't make you better, Jasper. She might be some sort of quick-hit relief, but she won't be able to make you better. She isn't strong enough, not while she's trying so hard to heal herself. She has to put herself first, and right now she isn't."

"You know I do have to keep seeing her. We're both under section." What? She's under section? His lips curl suddenly, and I know my shock must have shown. "Ah, she didn't tell you that she has to be here. Yeah, she was released into Carlisle and Esme's care, but she is obliged under the Mental Health act to attend our sessions, and any sessions her psychiatrist might order. And if she stops attending, she joins me in the nuthouse. So I do actually have to keep seeing her." I wonder what would happen if I punched him in the face.

"Yes. You have to have the sessions with her. But you don't need to keep guilt-tripping her into sadness. Just tell her she can be happy."

"She can be. With me."

"Damnit Jasper. She will never be able to be happy with you, not now. I don't say that she won't forgive you - in fact, I'd say she's already forgiven you, if she ever seriously blamed you at all. I don't say that she won't keep in touch, that she won't be your friend - she is so good and all she wants now is her own chance at some happiness. Is that really so selfish of her? That she's managed to open up enough to let me in and show me how hurt she is, does wanting me make her selfish? She's doing everything, everything she can to make sure you get better. And you call her selfish and make her suffer for it."

"Why should she have her happiness when I don't have mine?"

"Because she deserves it. You made her suffer."

"She made herself suffer! She left with me of her own free will and everything else we did was by her consent!"

"If you truly believe you had her consent, you really are insane." We stare at each other - and he breaks first. His gaze drops, and he focuses on the table. Have I won? I take it as my cue though, and I walk to the door.

I leave. When I reach home, I lock myself in my room and don't even let Alice in. I'm shaking, shaking so much my stomach starts hurting, shaking to the point where I don't trust myself to speak or move or even think. I can't shake the feeling that what I've just done will cause someone irreparable damage.


	21. Defining Happiness

JPOV

When Emmett's gone, they take me back to my room. They take me back and put me on watch. I know I'm on watch because they take my pens, paper, even my wristwatch and laces. Damn, and I'd only just gotten upgraded from Velcro. I get to keep the trainers, however, which I suppose is a plus. I'm not sure exactly why they've put me back into the At Risk category. Some procedural thing. Maybe because I flipped back there. But really, what else did they expect me to do? Just take that shit from _him?_ What does he know about Bella? What does he know about what I feel for her, what's best for her? I know what's best for Bella, and that's me.

I'm good for her, they just don't see that. But she saw it. She knew I was really good for her and she proved it when she came with me when I suggested it. She knows it deep down inside even now, or she wouldn't keep coming to see me. What I didn't tell Emmett was that yes, she has to keep attending her sessions - but that those sessions don't need to include me. She just has to see her psychiatrist.

Speaking of psychiatrists, Doctor Kerman comes in. Why can't they all just leave me alone.

"Do you want to talk?"

"Do I actually have a choice?"

"Not really."

"Why am I back on watch?"

"Hopefully it's temporary. I'm here to assess you. It's standard procedure when a meeting becomes confrontational."

"I wouldn't have said it was confrontational. I didn't even hit him."

"Did you want to?"

"Yes. I imagine the same amount he wanted to hit me." The doctor nods.

"Are you intending to harm yourself or attempt to incite violence." I almost snarl my reply.

"If I was, I wouldn't tell you."

And that's how I end up back on suicide watch. Moved out of my room and into the one with the big window in the door, through which someone looks every five minutes. They've taken my clothes and given me a paper suit, and I have different, laceless trainers. I'm not even planning anything. I just wanted everyone to go away and leave me alone. Now I feel like I'm in a fishbowl. Is it too much to ask just to be left on my own for one damn day?

That's what I ask the doctor when he comes back.

"Because you're officially classed as at risk. Jasper, have you considered that at the end of this year, you have to be reassessed? And the outcome of that will determine whether you have to spend another year here or if we can start working towards your release?"

"Maybe this is where I belong," I say, picking the sleeve of my paper outfit. "Maybe it's better that I stay here."

"Why would you say that?"

"Emmett might have been right. I'm not good for her. I don't deserve her. And if I don't have her, then there is nothing for me. Not out there, at least in here I have some routine and people to talk to me and people who don't judge me. There is nothing outside but people who think I'm evil."

"So I should just recommend your indefinite detainment here."

"Can you do that?"

"Jasper, you can choose to stay here, or somewhere like it, for the rest of your life, as a voluntary patient. I could endorse that, but I don't think you should be here. I think you have the potential for a good recovery, if you allow us to help you, if you begin to let go."

"Let go of what?"

"Everything. Everything you're still clinging to. Think of this as a new start, or as a different option in a create your own adventure book." Despite myself, I smile.

"I'm not ten."

"No. But it's a good analogy. You have two choices - stick to this path. Cling to Bella, and the pain. Or let her go. Accept that while you may remain in touch, perhaps even be her friend, you will never be with her again. Bella will always mean pain to you. My advice is to let her go. Let her have the happiness you will find one day."

"I had happiness with her."

"No. You could not possibly have been happy with her, not really. No, Jasper, don't answer me yet. Nobody could have been happy in your position. Perhaps you thought you were, but I tell you now that you could not have been. When you are not so blinded by your craving for her - because it is a craving, not love - you will realise that. And the sooner you accept that you have lost her, the sooner you can get better. Because you both need to get better, Jasper, not just one of you. And every time she pushes Emmett away to prioritise you, she pushes herself back two steps. The first step here has to be happiness. And not happiness for just one of you, but for both of you."

"So - do I follow the knight or do I go back the way I came, right?"

"Yes. Now, take this paper, and this pen, and write down all the times you identify as being happy with Bella, and why you think they made you happy."

"Am I allowed to have these?"

"I'm sitting right here, Jasper. And I do have to stay, but take all the time you need and give me the list when you're finished. I have a book here, and I'll read, so I won't be watching you. Take your time."

I stare at the paper for a long time, and he doesn't chivvy me along or say anything. He appears completely immersed in his book. Maybe I'll ask him to teach me how to look completely involved in one thing but in reality be doing another - I'm not stupid, I know he must be sneaking glances. So. When was I happy with Bella? Happy.

Well, I was happy that time my Aunt Maria took me to Sequoia National park to go camping. That was a good trip. No Dad. And before Mum died, we had good times together. But - I never felt like that with Bella. It wasn't good times.

"Never," I say in a low voice.

"Never what?" He leans forward, looking at me. I take a deep breath.

"I was never happy with Bella."


End file.
